Warning: images in this blog are not for the faint at heart :)

I don't intend for this to be a long entry, but I tend to get carried away, so we'll just see where it goes. First, you know that thing that you're really afraid of?  Snakes?  Clowns?  Monsters living under your bed? 
My boss is very afraid of spiders.  So much so that she nearly passes out even when you talk to her about them.  My husband is afraid of heights.  When he sees a picture of a mountain climber at the top of a mountain looking out over the vast scenery, he nearly loses it.  My brother-in-law is so afraid of needles that he would nearly pass out in a doctor's office if he had to get a shot.  Well, I don't like spiders, june bugs, or excessively "big things," like whales.  I never thought of myself as being afraid of needles.  Until I saw this:

I had seen needles this size in my friend's blog when she was going through IVF, but it wasn't until I opened my box of medications yesterday and a huge plastic bag full of these beauties was staring me right in the face that I really started to think "I'm not so sure I can do this."  Rob told me I shouldn't have looked at them.  Too late!  He plans on doing the injections for me, but holy heck, I think he might be in a worse predicament than me!  I wouldn't want to have to watch that thing burrow through the layers of flesh it has to fight through to hit muscle tissue (remember, it is intramuscular in my butt.  My butt isn't too muscular, if you know what I'm sayin').  To say I'm scared of these needles is a complete understatement.  I'd rather have a terantula as a pet.  Ok, maybe not.

Other than my recently developed needle phobia, things are looking up.  The weather is beautiful.  Rob, and our friend Adam, and Rob's brother Cory put a new steel roof on the backside of our house today.  I've been jogging a lot more recently, and following a calorie counting diet using "myfitnesspal" app on my phone (if you aren't already doing this, you should check it out.  Very cool!)  I'm feeling pretty good.  Embryo Transfer still feels like a long time away (oh, that's because it is...it's over a month away) and I'm alright with that. 

I am less than enthusiastic about starting this next round of IVF treatment.  I know they said it should be a little less invasive than our last two rounds (I beg to differ...please see photo above) but I'm not overly looking forward to it.  Just one step at a time, and it is in God's hands.  Whatever His plan is, will be.

When I saw the needle last night, I texted everyone I knew to spread my fear like wildfire as quickly as I could amongst those who care about me...looking for wisdom, kind words, and encouragement.  My sister-in-law Becky texted me back: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13.  Amen, Becky.  Amen.

I might have you singing DJ Kool...

RMIA called today and we are "on the schedule" for our FET.  And it goes a little somethin' like this - hit it!

For right now I will continue to take baby aspirin, prenatal vitamins, and birth control pills.
On 5/2/13 I start my lupron injection which is just a little needle in the stomach every morning.
On 5/9/13 I have baseline bloodwork done at FVRM.  They will call that afternoon with the results.
If that goes well I will stay on everything as is until 5/12/13.  That will be the last day I take a birth control pill.
On 5/16/13 I will reduce my Lupron dosage by half, and start taking Estrace tablets 3 times/day.  I also start taking 2 different kinds of antibiotics twice daily.
On 5/28/13 I have more blood work and an ultrasound.  If my lining looks good, we will move on to Embryo Transfer in MN on 6/4/13.
After the appointment on 5/28/13, if things look good, they will tell me when to start the progesterone suppositories and the Progesterone In Oil shots.  Egads!  Those make me nervous, but we'll get through it.  I'm sure the first time I do that I will have a funny blog to share!

Tomorrow is my 35th birthday.  I feel old, but oh well.  We all get older every year.  No one lives forever.  Age is just a number.  Enjoy every moment, right?  This has been a good year overall.  I have a fun day planned with my mom tomorrow to celebrate.  Can't wait!

Did I mention our basement flooded last week?  Dealing with that has been fun.  Loud blowers and dehumidifiers blowing around the clock.  Loud and annoying!  ServPro comes back tomorrow to hopefully remove them.  We had a new air conditioner unit installed in our home today which will prevent any future water leaks in our attic - whew!  Friday we're closing on our duplex refinances...gotta love money in the bank!  Life is always entertaining, fast paced, exciting, and overall good.  We always seem to have something going on!  Whenever I think I have it bad, I just have to think about something like the awful thing that happened at the Boston Marathon and I am thankful.

This week I was corresponding via email with my favorite Veterinarian in the world.  He and his wife recently did the Green Bay Marriage Encounter that Rob and I did in March.  He wrote to me about how much they enjoyed it and he commented that the divorce rate would be a lot lower if married couples attended that program and remembered the importance of having God in your life.  This kind man who has saved my animals lives, and cured their ailments, and compassionately put Merc to sleep for us is now praying for our IVF success.  God is good to connect me with so many wonderful people. 

Jessie and I were talking about that at work this week too - about how important it is to have a happy, healthy marriage relationship, and to thank God for your blessings.  I've been in some dark places in my life but am now experiencing so much joy.  We learned that last week in church - that even though there are bad things in our lives, God knows that is part of the plan for your life even before you were born.  But, He has the power to allow good to come from bad things, if you allow Him to...and he often uses that to be a beacon to others who are struggling.  I have seen this so much in my own life.  Nothing is by accident.

So, I have the day off tomorrow, I'm excited, but right now I'm super tired.  I'd love to sleep in but Serv Pro will be here at 8am...and mom is bringing me my birthday donut at 8:30am.  I'm going to go drag Rob away from his XBOX so we can get some shut eye. 

Talk to you soon!

good news

My sonohysterogram was clear!  No polyps.  No adhesions.  I've been praying, and it felt great to thank God for this blessing as I rolled out of the parking lot.  Now we will wait for RMIA to call with our protocol.  Should be soon.  The sono went well although 3 of my close work friends, my mother and sister, Rob and my sister-in-law Alyson know of one little thing that went slightly wrong - but it would be TMI - even for this blog!  LOL! :)

I never watch the show Shameless, but Rob likes it.  I think a lot of those HBO shows are too "vulgar" for me...but there was a song at the end of this week's episode that I really like.  It was "Ends of the Earth" by Lord Huron.  They lyrics are basically about traveling the world... but I think they can be interpreted for any journey you're taking on in life.  One lyric I really liked was "What good is livin' the life you've been given if all you do is stand in one place?"  So true.  I'm a little nervous and a little excited to try our FET journey.  Even though laying on that sonohysterogram table today brought back all the hopeful memories of IVF round one and two, it brought back the fear of it not working as well...but how will I ever know if I don't try?  It's time again to "not stand in one place."  :)
Tomorrow is my 13 year anniversary with N&M Transfer.  So amazing that I've been there so long but everyday is still fun, new and exciting.  I work with such great people - a real family.  Family that makes you laugh, makes you cry, makes you angry, makes you crazy, acts completely stupid, but you just have to love them all anyway.  :)  Truth is, that family is one of my hugest support systems throughout this whole IVF thing, and I'm so grateful I work there. 

I don't think I wrote about this in my last entry, but on Sunday Rob and I watched two movies that Ann borrowed to us.  "Fireproof" and "Courageous."  If you're looking for good movies with a good message (and if you have a box of kleenex handy) watch these two movies.  Just another thing that made an impact on Rob and I as of late.

I'll write again as soon as we know of our protocol.  Until then, let's pray for some sunshine so I don't have to wear my gloves home from work again tomorrow!  Brrr!

Deja Vu

I got my period last week and I've been on birth control for 3 days now.  Also making sure to take my baby aspirin and my pre-natal vitamin daily.  Tomorrow at 7am I have my sonohysterogram.  Sort of feels like we've been here before - like we're starting over.  I remember with my first sonohysterogram I was SO excited...it was the beginning of our journey, and I was CONFIDENT I'd get pregnant on the first try.  Then came the bad sonohysterogram news and I was left facing the hysteroscopy polyp removal surgery.  That was in July.  In August I had two Sono's...one to make sure the polyp was gone, and one with Dr. Stassart so he could get a good mapped out reading of my uterus for transfer.  Hard to believe it's nearly a year later and I'm going to be having my 4th sono.  It's not like they're a big deal or anything, but it's not like I wanted to rack them up like this either. It's not like you get "frequent sono miles" or anything cool like that.
Hard to believe that if I'd stayed pregnant, I'd be nearly halfway through my pregnancy right now.  I try not to let my thoughts go there, but sometimes they do.  A boy.  We would've had a boy and we'd probably have some pretty cool ultrasound pictures by now, or very soon.  Oh well.
My appointment is at 7am tomorrow.  Crossing our fingers, and our toes, and our eyes (wait, I can't cross my eyes...I can make my googly eye wander, but I can't cross my eyes...anywho...) that it all goes well.  If things are in the clear tomorrow I think we'll be smooth sailing right into FET pretty quickly here.  I will write again tomorrow with results!