Beta #3

Hi!
Just got our news on beta #3.  Funny, on Friday I was so worried that they were having me retest, I thought it was because something was wrong and they were concerned...that my numbers weren't as high as they'd like or something silly.  By the time this morning rolled around, I was very grateful to be having the 3rd test, to put our minds at ease.  I did the test at 7am and she didn't call until 12:30pm.  Last time she called at 9:30am.  I again began to worry that she wasn't calling me because something was wrong.  What is UP WITH THAT?  How do I stop these negative thoughts?  Well, having a great 3rd beta certainly does help!  :)

If I did my calculations right, I was 141 on Friday.  If they are to double every 48 hours, I should've been at 282 Sunday morning at 7am....so by Tuesday (tomorrow) at 7am I should be at 564.  Well, TODAY, 24 hours BEFORE 7am tomorrow, I am at 694!  WOO HOO!  That means our numbers more than doubled again.  Talk about piece of mind!  Yay!

So, my due date is what I suspected, 9/4/13.  Our first ultrasound, where we can hear the heartbeat, is scheduled for 2 weeks from tomorrow, Tuesday, 1/15/13.  Once we get past that point I know Rob and I will both be feeling much better.  I'm riding high right now, but wonder what the next 2 weeks will feel like!?!  I have been in the "two week wait" before (waiting for our pregnancy result after transfer)...so I think we'll get through it.  I think I'll make a calendar that we can put stickers on each day - sort of like a countdown to Christmas calendar! 

After talking to my mom we agreed that my New Year's resolution is to STAY OFF OF THE INTERNET regarding pregnancy stuff.  When she was pregnant, she didn't have the Internet as her constant resource...I will stick to my baby book and my doctor for answers.  Every pregnancy is different, so for me to be reading about other people's horror stories online is NOT helping me.  I know my friend Heidi will like me making this resolution!  :)  LOL!  My other resolution was going to be to stop swearing, but after the Packer game yesterday it became pretty clear that that will be nearly impossible for me.

To all of you still following this blog after the months I've been keeping it, I salute you!  Thanks for following along with me through all our ups and downs.  I think the story is going to start getting GOOD now!  We can all keep praying that it does.

PS - what a fun time to be pregnant...me, Princess Kate, Kim Kardashian, Jessica Simpson....I am in some great company!  :)

Rodger (and the) Rabbit

Well, Rodger brought me a LIVE rabbit to the back door this morning at about 2am when he went out to pee.  I screamed for him to drop it, which he promptly did, and as it laid by the door, I could tell it was still alive.  (Insert animal lover FREAK OUT here).  ARGH!  I screamed for Rob to come help and by the time Rob got dressed I went back to the door and the rabbit was sitting on all 4's.  The dogs were no where in sight.  I opened the door a crack and said "are you ok little rabbit?" and he took off running.  I started screaming "RODGER - COME!  RODGER - GET OVER HERE!"  because if he saw the rabbit running again the poor little guy would probably be in for round 2.  (Our neighbors must love us - all that screaming at 2am!).  Rob got to the door just then and ran out to find Rodger, who came bounding back to the house, rabbit free.

Gross.

So then I laid in bed and thought of the fate of poor Mr. Rabbit.  Rob said he saw him run under our deck, but with all the snow that's out there, I don't find that to be believeable!  How would he get under there?  I hope all Rodger did was catch him and give him a little shake...not attempt to pull him apart and find the "squeaker" like he does with his stuffed animal toys.  I can't imagine how that rabbit can't have injuries.  :(  I will leave it at the fact that he did run away under his own power.  There was no blood or guts left on our deck.  I'm sure he's alive...or he went away to die in peace (which for me is better than watching him die on my deck by my back door).

Thanks Rodger for giving me yet another sleepless morning.  Who's idea was it to have dogs?  Oh yeah, that's right.  Mine.

Addict

So you may be beginning to think I'm a pregnancy test addict.  I just really wanted to do one of these digital ones because I think they're cool and will be nice to have for Woody's "baby book," but also I took it because just as my nurse thought, I was a little stir crazy this weekend hoping everything is still progressing well.  The HPTs help put my mind at ease.  REALLY looking forward to tomorrow's blood test to hopefully see some strong numbers.  Funny, at first I was like "why are they doing another test, my numbers are good..." but now I am so thankful they are!  I will like some confirmation that things are doing well.

I think I am doing a pretty good job of staying positive and hoping for the best, but c'mon people, any of you that read my blog know that the only other two times I've been pregnant in life didn't end well.  Rob and I know this feeling of absolute elation at a positive pregnancy test, only to know sheer devestation when the miscarriage starts.  I'm doing my best to not think of anything like that happening.  I really think this pregnancy is different.  That Woody is a STRONG, chosen embryo whereas my last 2 pregnancies were probably not strong at all from the get-go.  The whole reason we did IVF was to get pregnant, and now that we are I forgot how absolutely terrifying it is!  LOL!  Rob and I both agree we will feel better after the 1st ultrasound when we get to hear the heartbeat...but for right now we do allow ourselves some fantasy thoughts...like what will we do with the nursery, will we find out the sex, how much will my maternity leave cost...it's so fun to talk like that but also so scary because we've never gotten that far before.  I think I will worry until Woody is born, and then after that I will worry his whole life.  Poor kid.

Speaking of Rob - he is the best husband.  He does anything I ask around the house because we are BOTH allowing me to take it easy.  Most people would probably think I'm crazy...some people run marathons when they're pregnant...but those people haven't had 2 pregnancy losses and gone through 2 rounds of IVF either.  After everything we've been through, I'm determined not to mess this up.  Will be nice to have 2 more stress free days off of work to lounge around and grow baby.  :)

We did go pick up "what to expect when you're expecting" yesterday.  I used to have that book but I gave it to Goodwill this past summer when it didn't sell at our rummage sale.  So funny, about a week after that rummage sale is when we decided to go with IVF!  Timing!

The Packer game is on soon which is always the hightlight of my week.  When it's over we are that much closer to tomorrow when I will have more updates...how my numbers are doing and what our next step is.  Tune in tomorrow!

Preggers!

So, if you look left to right, left being Wednesday, middle being Thursday, and right being today, look at the line on the bottom...you can tell it kept getting stronger.

My  number went from 50 on Wednesday to 141 today!  So, it more than doubled.  We are on the right track!  My nurse said if it would've been 100 they would've been happy, so 141 is great!

My nurse and doctor are happy with those numbers, but they are scheduling me for another blood test on Monday just for "piece of mind," mainly for me because I tend to freak out.  They said RMIA wouldn't even require another test because my numbers are good, but they are going to do one for me.

That had me a little worried like "are they not certain of my numbers so they're retesting me?"  But I think they really are just doing it because of my history and to make us all feel better.

Then, we will schedule my first ultrasound.

So, there you have it folks.  I am PREGNANT!  Yay!  I think baby Newhouse will be due around 9/4/13.  I'll continue to keep you posted!

2nd beta day...

It is the morning of my 2nd beta test and I have a little time to kill before I actually walk out the door.  All I have to say is whatever happens, these past 2-3 days have been some of the best of my life.  I am pregnant!  :)  For a gal with infertility issues saying those words is a miracle in itself.  Anytime I stop to think of that I think of all the magic that is yet to be.  I'm having positive thoughts for todays test and for the rest of these 9 months.  One of the hardest parts is over.  I actually conceived!  I'm on a medication that may help prevent miscarriage, and I think Woody is so strong that he's just attached in there for the long haul.  Watch, I'll go like 2 weeks past my due date, he won't ever want to come out!  :)

I'm trying to post a pic of the last 3 days of HPTs but my phone is acting up!  Argh!  It would probably be hard to tell on here anyway, but trust me, in person, the line got darker every day, which I think is a great sign that my numbers are increasing. 

I haven't had any more bleeding.  My nurse thinks it may just be some irritation from the Endometrin (vaginal progesterone suppositories) I use 3 times/day.  I think she might be right.

I will be sure to post later today when we know our 2nd beta number.  Wish us luck!

a little scary...

Good morning,
Had some spotting and cramping last night that really scared me.  Even the notes from RMIA said spotting or light bleeding is common prior to your pregnancy test.  "Please call the clinic if bleeding is heavier than your normal period."  And we are no where near that...yet?  Just some spotting, but with the crampy feeling it felt like my period was about to start.  It seems to be better after I slept through the night...but I'm hoping moving about today doesn't trigger a heavier flow.  I did take another HPT this morning with the thought that if I were losing the pregnancy it might show a negative result since my beta was only 50 yesterday anyway...but it was positive.  Just as positive as it was yesterday.  I was hoping for a darker line today, but they are about the same.  For me, anytime we see blood it is a bad sign...however, I have read all over the Internet that spotting and cramping is quite normal.  That's fine.  It's still scary!  As for now I'm counting myself as still pregnant, and can't wait for tomorrow to get here.  Hopefully we have doubling numbers to reassure ourselves.  Hoping the "early pregnancy test" wasn't a bad idea....perhaps finding out I was "pregnant" yesterday was something I would have been better off not knowing (if my period does come).  Please keep us in your prayers.  I haven't slept since about 2am.  I prayed and prayed and prayed.  PLEASE don't let us lose this pregnancy.  Woody - STAY PUT!  A little scarier morning than yesterday was.  Bummer.

Thanks for all your well wishes and congratulations - we are still "cautiously" excited.

You're going to want to read this...

First, I'd like to start with a little Christmas cuteness before we pack away all the ornaments for another season:

 

 

Awe...my babies all dressed up in their finest Christmas collars...

 

And... can we discuss Christmas just a little bit?  This was a crazy year.  I already blogged about how at Newhouse Family Christmas we learned that Rob's cousin Dana is pregnant, due in June.  It was so exciting to hear her news.  She and her fiance just got married after 11.5 years of dating, so it's nice for them to now have things moving along...starting a family.  :) 

Then, at Buchburger Family Christmas we found out that Rob's cousin Stephanie is pregnant with her second child, and Rob's cousin Alex's girlfriend is pregnant....due in August and June respectively.

Again - very happy to hear this news for everyone.  Afterall, Rob and I know what a MIRACLE getting pregnant is...I mean, it is basically practically impossible...so to hear of so many of our family members having good news, it was exciting!  Yet, at the same time, I was hoping deep inside that we would soon have good news of our own to share as well.

 

Yesterday came and went, and then it was this morning.  Wednesday.  I had debated all weekend whether I would break out that darn HPT or not...and I was dying to know.  As my heart pounded out of my chest I told myself...if it's negative, it's negative.  You'll be learning the news in 2 days anyway, you can prepare this way.  So what if you cry all day at work???

 

I peed on the stick at 2:30am, then went to let the dogs out.  I came back upstairs and glanced at the results window - and this is what I saw:

 

Now, any of you that have ever read a pregnancy test result, or even if you haven't, can see what is going on here.  There is definitely a second line.  A faint line, but a second line!  I was shocked and ecstatic!  I woke Rob up from a dead slumber and had him come check it out.  We confirmed with a great big hug that we had done it.  We were pretty sure we were pregnant!  Enough with those "what if it's negative" thoughts!  It's not!  It's positive!

 

I headed off to my doctor's office and confessed to my nurse that I had broken the rules and tested at home.  I told her I believed it was a positive result.  She said "well, a line is a line!"  Meaning if I weren't pregnant that 2nd line wouldn't have shown up at all.  She told me because I "cheated" that she would call me today with the results of my blood test to confirm.  :)  That was very nice - otherwise I would have to wait until Friday to know what is going on with me.

 

My nurse called me around 2pm (after I had told my coworkers, my mom, my sister, and my sister-in-laws what my morning science experiment had uncovered).  She told me I did in fact have a POSITIVE test!  She said my hcg number was 50 which she said was a good number for this early and with one embryo.  I looked online and here is what I found about hcg from a website called www.americanpregnancy.org:

 





 

The hormone human chorionic gonadotropin (better known as hCG) is produced during pregnancy. It is made by cells that form the placenta, which nourishes the egg after it has been fertilized and becomes attached to the uterine wall. Levels can first be detected by a blood test about 11 days after conception and about 12 - 14 days after conception by a urine test. In general the hCG levels will double every 72 hours. The level will reach its peak in the first 8 - 11 weeks of pregnancy and then will decline and level off for the remainder of the pregnancy.

Key things to remember about hCG levels:

• In about 85% of normal pregnancies, the hCG level will double every 48 - 72 hours. As you get further along in pregnancy and the hCG level gets higher, the time it takes to double can increase to about every 96 hours.
• Caution must be used in making too much of hCG numbers. A normal pregnancy may have low hCG levels and result in a perfectly healthy baby. The results from an ultrasound after 5 - 6 weeks gestation are much more accurate than using hCG numbers.
• An hCG level of less than 5mIU/ml is considered negative for pregnancy, and anything above 25mIU/ml is considered positive for pregnancy.
• The hCG hormone is measured in milli-international units per milliliter (mIU/ml).
• A transvaginal ultrasound should be able to show at least a gestational sac once the hCG levels have reached between 1,000 - 2,000mIU/ml. Because levels can differentiate so much and conception dating can be wrong, a diagnosis should not be made by ultrasound findings until the hCG level has reached at least 2,000.
• A single hCG reading is not enough information for most diagnoses. When there is a question regarding the health of the pregnancy, multiple testings of hCG done a couple of days apart give a more accurate assessment of the situation.
• The hCG levels should not be used to date a pregnancy since these numbers can vary so widely.
• There are two common types of hCG tests. A qualitative hCG test detects if hCG is present in the blood. A quantitative hCG test (or beta hCG) measures the amount of hCG actually present in the blood.

Guideline to hCG levels during pregnancy:

hCG levels in weeks from LMP (gestational age)* :

• 3 weeks LMP: 5 - 50 mIU/ml
• 4 weeks LMP: 5 - 426 mIU/ml
• 5 weeks LMP: 18 - 7,340 mIU/ml
• 6 weeks LMP: 1,080 - 56,500 mIU/ml
• 7 - 8 weeks LMP: 7, 650 - 229,000 mIU/ml
• 9 - 12 weeks LMP: 25,700 - 288,000 mIU/ml
• 13 - 16 weeks LMP: 13,300 - 254,000 mIU/ml
• 17 - 24 weeks LMP: 4,060 - 165,400 mIU/ml
• 25 - 40 weeks LMP: 3,640 - 117,000 mIU/ml
• Non-pregnant females: <5.0 mIU/ml
• Postmenopausal females: <9.5 mIU/ml

* These numbers are just a GUIDELINE-- every woman’s level of hCG can rise differently. It is not necessarily the level that matters but rather the change in the level.

What can a low hCG level mean?

A low hCG level can mean any number of things and should be rechecked within 48-72 hours to see how the level is changing. A low hCG level could indicate:

• Miscalculation of pregnancy dating
• Possible miscarriage or blighted ovum
• Ectopic pregnancy

What can a high hCG level mean?

A high level of hCG can also mean a number of things and should be rechecked within 48-72 hours to evaluate changes in the level. A high hCG level can indicate:

• Miscalculation of pregnancy dating
• Molar pregnancy
• Multiple pregnancy

Should my hCG level be checked routinely?

It is not common for doctors to routinely check your hCG levels unless you are showing signs of a possible problem. A health care provider may recheck your levels if you are bleeding, experiencing severe cramping, or have a history of miscarriage. 


So...with all that said I basically just have to go in again on Friday to see if my number is doubling normally and healthily like it should....but basically, as of right now...I AM PREGNANT!

Thanks to all of you for your continued support and prayers and thoughts and well wishes!  It all paid off!  Please keep those prayers coming as we pray that Woody stays put for 9 months!!!

I will post again on Friday to let you know what my number increased to.  Fingers crossed that things continue to go well!

one early Christmas present...

Tonight, Christmas Eve Night, we got home from my parent's house to finally bring in today's mail.  Among my new Dental Insurance Cards, a very nice Christmas Card from my sister and brother-in-law, and my 401(k) statement, there it was...the highly anticipated letter from RMIA letting us know if any of our embryos survived to be cryopreserved (frozen) for future use.  Receiving this letter is similar to Charlie getting the golden ticket to go visit Willy Wonka's factory.  Opening the envelope was like carefully unwrapping the Wonka bar, in hopes that gleaming gold news would be staring you in the face.

If you recall, last time, when we got the letter, it promptly informed us that ZERO of our extra embryos survived to be frozen.  Talk about devestation and being left with a feeling of no hope for the future!  Tonight, we opened the envelope together.  In beautiful handwriting, inked by the Embryologist himself, it stated that they were able to continue to culture TWO embryos to be frozen this cycle.  TWO - count `em - TWO! 

That means all sorts of possiblities for us!  If I am not pregnant right now, we can move on to a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) next time to see if we can get pregnant with one, or both, of our "frosties," as they lovingly refer to them on Internet blog sites.  Or, if I AM pregnant right now, we can use one, or both, of our frosties in the future to give baby #1 a sibling!  (Which would be totally wild because they were all "conceived" on the same day, Aaron Rodgers Day, 12/12/12...yet they could grow gestationally years apart)!

The great thing about frosties is that you don't have to go through the awful stimulating meds to get to them...you can just proceed with Transfer next time!  I think I have read some articles that say that some frosties don't survive the "thawing out" process, but let's not think about that right now!  Let's just think of them as future Hope, whenever we may need it!

Thank you GOD for answering those prayers!  On top of it being a future possibility for us, it just renews my faith in this cycle.  If those 2 little guys were healthy enough to survive one more whole day in the lab past the day when the little one I have inside me was transferred, then maybe the little guy, Woody, was strong enough to attach himself to a nice little spot in my uterine wall.  Maybe I really am pregnant right now and Woody is just growing away in there!  We can certainly hope!

We will find out soon enough, 4 more days (with a possibility of HPTing on Wed, Thurs, or Friday....or all 3 days...haven't decided for sure if I want to take that gamble yet or not...but this letter gives me more hope than even an HPT could I think).  I'm a very happy little gal this Christmas Eve!

The plan

So I think I decided what to do with the HPT's.  I have 3.  So, I might take one on Wednesday, the day of my first beta.  They don't tell you anything after that beta test, they make you wait till Friday, so if it's positive, then yay!  But, if it's a negative HPT, it could still be too early for HPT to be accurate, I mean, I could just have a really low beta....or I can start preparing myself for bad news on Friday.  And then I can take one each day until Friday when I find out for sure...and see if it stays negative, or turns positive. 

Or, I may just take one the morning of Friday the 28th, so I can be pretty prepared for what my phone call will tell me later that day.  I chickened out this morning.  :)  If I start on Wednesday, and if it's positive, I can order more Endometrin, since I will run out of that on Friday.  I never know why they don't give you enough of that stuff!

Only 5 more days!

Christmas

So I toyed around with the idea of telling everyone at Christmas today that we might be pregnant...but it turns out Grandma already knew, so I'm not sure who else all knows...and...Rob's cousin had his 8-day-old son with him today, and his other cousin announced today that she is pregnant and due in June....so....meh....

Here's a positive article that renewed my faith.

What is Blastocyst Transfer?

A blastocyst transfer is a technique incorporated with in vitro fertilization (IVF) designed to increase pregnancy rates and decrease the risk of multiple pregnancy. This technology, pioneered by investigators from Australia has been reported to increase the pregnancy rate, in selected patients, by almost double while virtually eliminating the risk of high order multiple pregnancies, like triplets or quadruplets.

What is a Blastocyst?

A blastocyst is a highly differentiated, highly developed embryo that has grown to the point where it is ready to attach to the uterine wall (implantation). In naturally conceived pregnancies, the egg is released from the ovarian follicle and picked up the fallopian tube where it is fertilized by sperm. The resulting embryo starts out as a single cell, which then must grow and differentiate until it has the capacity to attach to the uterine wall and connect to the mother's blood stream. The embryo divides from one cell into two cells, then four cells, eight cells, 16 cells, etc. until it reaches several hundred cells at the time of implantation and reaches the blastocyst stage on day five or six after ovulation. The term "blastocyst" is a descriptive name to identify the developmental stage of the embryo. A single cell embryo is called a 2PN zygote (for 2 pronuclei). The 2PN zygote divides into an embryo (2-4 cells), the "morula" approx. 16 - 32 cells) and finally a "blastocyst" embryo. The embryo spontaneously "hatches" from its shell (zona pellucida) at the blastocyst stage of development and is ready to attach to the uterine wall.

Why are Blastocysts Special?

A blastocyst embryo has reached a stage in development that requires activation of the embryo's own genes, called genomic activation. Genes are chemical codes that make us unique. When a sperm and egg fertilize the resulting baby is a mixture of the genes from the mother and father. This mixture creates a child who is unique and different from mother, father, or siblings. During early growth of the embryo, all of the energy and chemicals required for cell division come from the mother's egg. In order to continue to develop past the third or fourth day of life, the embryo must activate its own genes to produce energy for further cell division and differentiation. Sounds simple! Although this biological process is critical, it does not occur as easily as we might hope. Approximately one third of embryos are capable of successfully activating their genes and growing to the blastocyst stage. If an embryo reaches the blastocyst stage, nature is telling us that it is a healthier embryo and it has a better chance of implanting successfully and resulting in a normal, healthy, baby.

How was Blastocyst Transfer Developed in the Field of IVF?

The basic physiology of embryo growth and development has been known for many years and using conventional IVF techniques it was known that embryos were transferred into the uterus earlier than was physiologically normal. In pregnancies that are spontaneously conceived, the embryo grows and divides in the tube for several days and does not reach the uterus until after the third or fourth day of development. (This was the rationale for developing tubal transfer procedures like GIFT and ZIFT.) Early attempts by investigators in the IVF laboratory had not been able to develop laboratory culture media and incubation techniques to successfully allow a good number of embryos to grow and develop to the blastocyst stage. Investigations in the 1990s identified that the nutritional and metabolic needs of the embryo changes as it leaves the tube and enters the uterus. This simple observation lead to the development of "sequential culture medias" which change to accommodate the changing needs of the embryo. This breakthrough allowed for the successful growth of embryos to the blastocyst stage.

How Does This Help Couples Achieve Pregnancy?

In conventional IVF, embryos are grown for only 2-3 days before they are replaced into the uterus. The embryos have between 4-8 cells inside the shell (zona pellucida) and must continue their growth and development inside the uterus for 4-5 more days before they become blastocyst embryos and are ready to implant. If a couple produce many embryos in an IVF cycle, the embryologist, no matter how skilled, cannot really tell which embryos have the capacity to grow into a blastocyst embryo and which do not. By selecting a group of embryos for uterine replacement (embryo transfer) on day two or three after ovulation, it is too early to be certain which embryos are capable of blastocyst development. This is why conventional IVF is usually done by transferring 2-3 embryos. No one hopes that all of these embryos are going to implant, but recognize that maybe only one or two have the ability to form blastocysts and succeed in developing into a normal pregnancy. Keeping the embryos in the IVF laboratory for another 2-3 days allows blastocyst development and allows you and the IVF team to identify the best embryos for replacement. Now this is where the good news comes!

How Do We Reduce Our Risk of Multiple Births?

By letting nature tell us which embryos are best, it is possible to obtain very high success rates by transferring only a few embryos. We routinely transfer only two blastocyst embryos and, in patients who develop healthy blastocysts, have an ongoing pregnancy rate of greater than 50% per transfer. When only two embryos are replaced, the risk for triplets or quadruplets is essentially eliminated. Our experience with blastocyst transfer has changed the way that we counsel patients with strong concerns about multiple pregnancies. This technology is particularly useful in certain circumstances, like egg donation, where large numbers of high quality embryos are available. In our egg donation program, using blastocyst transfer has increased our success rate to more than 80% per transfer.

Why Not Blastocyst Transfers for Everyone?

Not all laboratories have the quality or capability of culturing embryos to the blastocyst stage. The experience and expertise of the embryology staff is an essential ingredient in creating a team approach to maximize pregnancy success while minimizing the risks of multiple pregnancies. Blastocyst culture does not transform a poor embryo into a good embryo. There may be some couples that do not create embryos with a high quality. In these couples, blastocyst culture and transfer can allow the IVF team to observe how these embryos grow and potentially identify reasons for previous treatment failures. However, there may be couples who cannot create embryos which successfully reach the blastocyst stage and embryo transfers may canceled when embryos fail to continue to develop normally. This information may be extremely helpful as couples explore other options to rapidly achieve their goal of parenthood.

Why Does the Blastocyst Stage Have a Higher Implantation Rate Than Day Two to Four Stage?

Not all fertilized oocytes are normal, and therefore a percentage always exists that are not destined to establish a pregnancy. The majority of such abnormalities are chromosomal. It has been determined that around 25% of eggs are chromosomally abnormal, and that this problem worsens with maternal age. The culmination of this is that many abnormal embryos arrest or stop growing during development. So by culturing embryos to the blastocyst stage, one has already selected against those embryos with little if any developmental potential. Therefore, a blastocyst has a higher probability of developing into a baby after transfer to the patient. Data on the replacement of human blastocysts on day 5 or 6 of development indicate implantation rates twice that of cleavage stage embryos have been reported.

A second reason for the increased implantation rate of the blastocyst is that the blastocyst is the stage of embryonic development that should reside in the uterus at implantation. As the environment within the fallopian tube and uterus differ, blastocysts are much more suited to survival and development in the uterus. As a result, enhanced or equally successful pregnancy with blastocyst transfer is achieved with fewer embryos and a reduced incidence of multiple births.

To pee or not to pee, that is the question.

Happy start to everyone's hopefully long weekend!  This morning I rolled out of bed early to take care of my White Elephant Gift obligations for our Newhouse Christmas party we have today.  I came up with something odd, but clever.  I'd share it with you now but I don't know how many Newhouse's will read my blog this morning, so I will keep it a surprise.

Last night Rob and I went to dinner at The Legacy.  It was nice to have some alone time with him.  We talked a lot about what may be.  We both admitted we are worried that it didn't work, but I think that's because it's all we know.  For us, getting pregnant NEVER works.  We also talked about how we watched a Christmas show the other night called "home for the holidays" which was all about adopting.  We agreed that if IVF doesn't work for us that adoption would be a wonderful way to expand our family.  That was the first time we were ever both on the same page with that!  Heck, maybe we'll have a baby AND adopt!  Who knows what life has in store.

I told Rob how I was worried it didn't work.  That I didn't "feel" anything.  Many websites say you'll "feel" implantation.  Then many sites say you won't feel ANYTHING.  I went through all of this torture last time.  The 2 week wait is murder on a person's psyche. 

So that is why I bought one of these:

Last time, I swore off HPT's.  But, when our first IVF failed I said to myself "next time I will test...to prepare myself ahead of time if we expect to get a negative blood test."  I talked with Rob about it at dinner.  He's not so sure we should do it.  If it's negative, we could get really bummed...but if it's negative, it's negative.  Me peeing on a stick is not going to change the outcome.  What will be, will be.  Here is what my "survival guide" says about testing:

"You've probably been wrestling with your desire to take a home pregnancy test (HPT) before beta day arrives.  Did you know that you could get a negative HPT the day of your beta and go in and have your blood test and learn that you are in fact pregnant?  While HPT manufacturers claim 99 percent accuracy, in the world of infertility, HPTs are about as reliable as most babysitters.  The only women I've ever known (or heard about) who got a reliable positive HPT before their beta were women expecting multiples.  Most of us get negative HPT results even when we're pregnant.
If you ignore my advice and take an HPT before beta day, there are two things you need to know.  First, do NOT take your HPT until at least 10 days past your transfer or 12 days past insemination.  (I've read online to just wait 10 days past the day you gave yourself your HCG trigger shot, which for me was on the 10th).  This ensures that you've (probably) completely metabolized the HCG from your trigger injection and any positive result you get is more likely than not to be accurate.  Second, if the test is negative DO NOT - I repeat - DO NOT freak out and assume you're not pregnant.  Many, many women will get a negative HPT, even when they have a healthy, positive result from their beta HCG blood test.  Studies have been done that show HPTs regularly miss early IUI and IVF pregnancies.  Your beta is about a thousand times more reliable than your HPT.  So do yourself a favor, if you pee on that stick, take your HPT results with a huge grain of salt. 
Beta HCG blood tests can detect HCG in your system in minute quantities.  A beta will be considered positive with any quantitative value greater than 5.  Most HPTs are standardized and will test positive only when you've got roughly the amount of HCG that most women have in their system two days after they've missed their period - or two days after when your first beta is taken.  This corresponds roughly to a beta result of 100.  Yet many healthy initial (first) betas come back well under 100.  So you tell me, why take an HPT and risk getting a negative result when your beta is so much more sensitive and might be positive despite the negative HPT (and you avoid the stress that comes with a negative HPT)?"

I'll tell you why.  I'm going crazy!  I would like to try to know something.  I'm not the first girl out there to contemplate POAS (peeing on a stick) after IVF.  Many of you reading this are probably like "oh Jennine - just wait..." but you probably don't know what it's like to get that call from the nurse saying "Sorry, Jennine it's bad news" when all you were envisioning was her saying "Jennine, you're pregnant!"  The emotional shock of that phone call is enough to bring tears to even the strongest of women.  After everything you go through, to hear it didn't work out is the ultimate buzz kill.

Here's my thinking.  I didn't test last time, and what good did that do me?  I still suffered the agony of failure.  Reading the above info is informative, but who is Elizabeth Swire Falker (author), a woman I've never met, to tell me exactly how to play my own infertility game?  I think I want to break the rules this time.  I think I want to test!  I read on the Internet...(yes, when you are an IVFer you CANNOT stay off the Internet...it is your only connection to other poor crazy women who are going through what you are going through)...that you can test 5 days past a 5 day blast transfer and you may get a faint positive.  You have a good chance of seeing a positive around 7 days past.  The test pack I bought is a 3 pack.  Today is 5 days past transfer for me.  7 would be Christmas Eve.  8 would be Christmas day.  9 days past is the 26th, the day of my first beta.  11 days past is the 28th - when I find out for sure. 

I had thought for Christmas, Rob and I could take the test.  If it's positive, what a Christmas gift!  If it's negative, we can maybe prepare a little for bad news on Friday....but still keep in our back pocket that the HPT could be wrong.  I don't know.  I guess it puts me in the same damn position I'm in now.  Maybe I'm pregnant, or maybe I'm not.  Ridiculous I tell you!

I was telling the girls at work how I was thinking of POAS.  We got creative...like I could do it Christmas morning and put the positive result stick in Rob's stocking.  Or, I could buy a "bun" and put it in the oven Christmas morning.  It was so fun to dream.  Those girls never think anything but positive - they are convinced it will work.  I guess when you're not the one wondering what the heck that blastocyst is up to in your uterus, it's easier to be positive.  I think I am more positive this time than I was last time because the whole protocol seemed to go better this time...but I still protect myself with those thoughts of doubt.  I guess I just can't help that feeling because NOTHING ever works for us - not even IVF (the first time anyway).  BUT, I rationalized with Rob last night that Dr. Stassart really knows his stuff and maybe this time we got it right - as long as my body cooperated and our little blast was able to implant. 

I got home yesterday and of course turned to my horoscope.  Sometimes what my horoscope says means absolutely nothing...or it says something I don't want to hear...but sometimes they are "dead on" with what's going on with me that day.  Here's what it said:

Friday - 12/21/12 (they day I was sure IVF didn't work because I don't "feel" anything):
"Don't be so sure that you know everything there is to know about a situation that has just manifested itself in your life, Aries.  You may be looking at this new development and feeling like you're in trouble.  You are probably basing your gloomy outlook on experiences from the past that contained similar elements, but in reality there is far more good in your situation than bad.  If you could just develop a more positive outlook on this whole situation, and if you handle it in the best way possible, this could actually turn out quite well."

Go figure!  I hope our answer is written in the stars.  I think, if I want to test, I will test.  If I change my mind, I change my mind.  If it's positive, I rejoice.  If it's negative, I pray for a positive Beta.  And either way, Friday will eventually get here and we will know for sure.  Still praying for that Christmas Miracle!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Baby's first photo

Here is what our little blastocyst looked like the day he was transferred.  Rob thinks he has his nose.  Rob named him "Woody" since he spent the first 5 days of his life in Woodbury, MN.

Snow Day

Sorry I haven't written sooner about how our Transfer went.  The day we got home I could do nothing but lie flat. The next day I could do nothing but sit reclined.  No computer work for me those 2 days!  Then, yesterday, it was back to work as normal.  When I got home I was tired (after 2 days of laying around, a full day of work is exhausting)!  I stayed on the couch until it was time to crawl back into bed.

Today I am taking a snow day.  After everything we've just been through, it didn't make sense to me to have a stressful commute to and from work...or worse yet be at risk of getting into an accident.  I know that is probably not a good way to live your life - in fear of the "what if," - but staying home just feels like something I should be doing today.  If I didn't, and I don't end up pregnant, I may always wonder if it was because of me traversing in the storm that it didn't work.  I know there are lots of people, even people who read my blog, who ventured off to work today.  Many N&Mers who are enjoying "holiday spirit day" and a pig out day today without me.  Many people who have things that are important to them too, like kids, and pets, and spouses... who also don't want to risk a stressful commute or an accident...but ultimately for me my decision was to stay home, take the unexcused, unpaid, attendance occurrence, and start over again tomorrow.

Now, how did our transfer go?  Overall I think it went great!  We transferred a Day 5 Blastocyst on 12/17/12.  The Blast was graded a 1.5 (anything between 1 and 3 is good, so ours was a good one).  It was the best of what we had left growing (but we may even have had a few more left to freeze.  We'll find that out via mail in a few days). 

A couple things about a blastocyst.  When they are at that stage, they are ready to become 2 parts, the outer part becomes the placenta, and the inner part becomes the fetus.  Any embryo that becomes a baby must become a blastocyst first.  So, when you transfer day 3 embryos, there is no way of knowing if they will continue to grow to a blastocyst stage.  They could stop growing right after they are transferred and never make it to blastocyst stage, therefore never making it to become a baby.  So, for us to have a blastocyst transfer, that just means that we know it is already strong enough to have grown to that stage in the lab, and now all it has to do is implant.  Doesn't sound too hard, right?  Also, Blastocysts, by day 5, naturally make it to the uterus by day 5...whereas an embryo at 3 days of development are usually only in the fallopian tubes at that point....so by transferring day 3 embryos into the uterus, that is not naturally where they'd be...but when you transfer a day 5 blastocyst into the uterus, that is where they would naturally be, so they can implant and start growing fairly naturally.

Dr. Stassart told us that this round went much better than round 1.  He said round 1 wasn't "bad" but this one was better.  The tweaking that he did got us to the point where he wanted us to be...with more quality embryos, grown to Blast stage, with hopefully some left to freeze.  See?  Shows you how good he is at this.  He said he just reviewed his stats recently and with a single day 5 blast transfer, we have a 75% chance of getting pregnant.  So, I hope that little sucker sticks!

After transfer, I laid on a mattress in the back of our van the whole way home.  I am a tad nervous about the few jostles and bounces that I went through back there, but what's done is done.  When we got to Appleton we stopped at Culvers for dinner.  Rob had to run in to use the restroom so I laid in the van while he was inside.  I could hear people around our car getting in and out of their vehicles, talking, etc.  I thought, "if anyone sees me laying back here they are going to wonder what the heck is going on...am I a kidnap victim?  Am I alive?"  So awkward!  I was very happy to finally get home and get out of that van!

We have 2 Beta pregnancy tests scheduled for 12/26 and 12/28.  By the afternoon of 12/28 (which is only a week and a day away...and with Christmas in there it should go fast) we should know our fate - did it work or will we proceed to round three?  We shall see!

Today

I'm getting pregnant today.  What do you have planned?

last post before we receive our Christmas miracle...

Just thought I'd pop in quick to write one more little entry before we head off for transfer tomorrow.

We just came from Christmas at my in-laws and my mother-in-law, among many other nice gifts, gave all us daughter-in-laws a Coach purse for Christmas!  I would never spend the money on something so nice for myself so it was such an exciting surprise!  I love it.  We had a great morning/afternoon of presents, laughter, food and Packers.  So much fun every time we're together.

I'm getting a little nervous for tomorrow.  Nothing to be nervous about I'm sure, but it's nerve-wracking nonetheless.  We have my makeshift bed rigged up in the back of the van to get me home after transfer.  Hoping when we get there they tell us we have the most perfect blastocyst and that in 2 weeks I'm typing some good news in here.

At gift opening today Sue also gave me a necklace that is supposed to assist with fertility. As soon as we got home Rob made me put it on.  Every little bit helps!

Still drinking all the gatorade I can muster (by this point it's like drinking vodka when you're hungover).  Looking forward to getting to bed early, trying to sleep, and hitting the road at 7:30am.  Keep those prayers coming!  Thanks again for everyone's warm wishes!  We really appreciate all the support!

Just another manic Monday...

I was a little too tired yesterday to write a blog entry, although we have good news!  We are scheduled for a Day 5 Blastocyst transfer for Monday at 12:30pm.  How is this different from last time you might ask?  Last time we did a day three transfer...this time they think our little embryos will be strong enough to live in the lab until day 5.  While some of them may die off, only the strongest ones make it to Blastocyst stage in the lab, and then they have the best chance of becoming a viable pregnancy because they're such hearty little buggers. 

I'm very excited about this, but a little nervous too.  There is a risk that none will make it to day 5, that they may die off before then, BUT, I am sure our lab can tell that they have some that can go the distance, and with the right culture medium in the lab they will get them there for us.  Maybe we'll even have some left to freeze this time!

Rob and I will travel to MN on Monday, and most likely come back that same day.  I will just sleep in the back of the van the whole way home. 

My OHSS symptoms are quite bad this time around.  Very bloated.  Sore.  I'm happy to have the extra couple days to recover before transfer.  Last night I had a freakish thing happen where my ankles were giving out when I would walk down stairs.  What on earth is that all about???  It seems to be better this morning.  Just pounding the Gatorade and hoping for relief.

Watching the sad sad news yesterday of the school shooting in CT...when I think of how hard we are working to create life, and then I see how carelessly children were taken away from their parents and families it makes my heart ache.  I couldn't even imagine.

Today I plan to shop and clean the house and get everything in order so that when I come home PREGNANT I can just relax.  I'm happy because we will be able to attend the Newhouse Family Brunch tomorrow at Rob's mom and dad's house.  Everything just timed out so nicely.

Wish us luck on Monday!

Retrieval

You asked for it, and therefore you shall receive!  Here is our eventful retrieval story...

We left for MN on Tuesday, early afternoon.  That means we both got out of work early.  When I arrived home from work there was a message from our Credit Union to call them because there was suspected fraud on my debit card.  Sure enough!  Some creeper in CA got ahold of my card number, and my address, and charged $300+ on an adult website.  Thankfully the charges were reversed even before I called, but they did have to shut down my debit card.  Not too cool when I use that thing constantly for each purchase I make.  Oh well - I should receive a new one in about 10 days.

After dealing with that drama, we loaded up mom and dad's new car for our road trip.  Mom and dad just bought a luxury 2012 Buick Lacrosse.  It has navigation, back up camera, heated and cooled seats, remote start, heated steering wheel, On Star, blind spot protection and Series Radio, probably just to name a few.  We were ridin' in style! 

We had just left and were on HWY 10 when my nurse called.  The clinic wanted to put me on the Cabergoline again - which I was on last time to help with hyperstimulation.  Since we were on the road, my nurse called the script in to the Walgreens in Stevens Point.  We got to Walgreens with some much needed help from the navigation system, and on star, and then stood in line for about 40 minutes.  EVERYONE in Stevens Point was there to pick up their prescription at the same time, and it was only 3:00 in the afternoon!  We got up to the counter and my prescription wasn't ready yet, so we had to sit and wait.  Then they called me up and they only had 6 of the 8 pills on hand that I needed.  So we just took the 6, had to pay my full copay for it ($8), and I can pick up the other two pills here in Appleton (for another $8).  Lame.  My nurse already called them in for me today.

After about 40 minutes in Stevens Point Walgreens we headed back out onto the highway.  We had to cut through the campus part of town and I had a little trip down memory lane...the houses I used to live in, the dorms, Belts Ice Cream, the restaurants, the bars.  Fun.  We had grabbed some snacks at Walgreens and so we planned to eat at the hotel once we got to MN.  Since I couldn't eat anything past midnight we thought a late dinner would be a good way to go.

When we got to Baldwin, WI we made a pit stop to the N&M Transfer terminal so I could drop off 4 remaining holiday hams for employees who didn't receive them last week.  The guys were surprised to see me and thought I was a pretty dedicated employee to travel all that way just for hams.  I laughed and told them we were on our way to MN.  They told us to have a safe trip!  Nice people that work at N&M I tell ya!

We got to our hotel around 7pm, checked in and called our parents so they knew we were safe.  We then headed down to the hotel restaurant, the Green Mill, for some grub....but not before I popped my 2 evening antibiotics.  Now, I know you're supposed to take those suckers with food, and I always do...but I thought "Heck, we're going to go get food now so it's darn close, it's already getting pretty late, and I don't want to pop pills in the restaurant."  So we went and got a table and ordered a nacho appetizer and some sandwiches.  The nachos came out, and not a moment too soon.  I was starting to get nauseous and was hoping some food would be just what the doctor ordered.  I ate about 2 nachos and though I was going to die.  I couldn't even watch Rob eat.  I went to the bathroom and dry heaved to my little heart's content.  I thought, "don't puke up your medicine!  They want that in your body for tomorrows procedure!"  Then I started to worry....what if it wasn't the antibiotics...what if I was just getting sick?  What if I was too sick to undergo anesthesia in the morning.  I was freaking out.  I headed back to the table and told Rob I needed to go up to our room.  My husband is a SAINT.  He sent me on my way and got the waitress to box the food up so he could take it back to the room.

Once I got to the room I washed up and crawled right into bed.  I heard Rob come in, but very shortly after that I fell asleep.  At about 10:30pm I woke up and felt like a million bucks!  I grabbed my cold sandwich and fries out of the hotel fridge, and had my dinner at 10:30pm.  Heck, it wasn't midnight yet!  I had a headache so I slammed a diet mountain dew too, and then went right back to sleep.

At 11:45pm Rob woke me so I could get my last big slam of water.

Before I knew it it was morning.  Rob and I didn't have to be to the clinic until 10:40.  We had time to kill and his brothers had mentioned to us the name of a bakery in Minneapolis that has "THE BEST cupcakes."  Rob and I plugged the address into navigation and away we went in search of white and milk chocolate ganache cupcakes!  The traffic headed into the city was horrendous. Traveling 16 miles at 25 miles per hour takes a long time.  I prayed that we'd get back in time for our retrieval appointment!  We scored the loot at "The Franklin Street Bakery" and then headed back to Woodbury.

When we got back we still had a little time to kill so we went to Marshalls and the Dollar Store just for something to do.  At this point my ovaries were screaming at me.  I was ready to get them emptied.

We got to the clinic right on time and they took Rob back right away to "work his magic."  I didn't tell him because I didn't want to put undue pressure on him, but I was worried...what if he couldn't "perform" in that little clinic "janitor's closet" of a room?  All the other times we collected "his contribution to all of this" either at home or at the hotel.  While I sat in silent worry in the waiting area I pretended to be interested in Selena Gomez on the cover or Glamour.  Shortly afterward I was ushered back to get going on my end of the bargain.

It was the same drill.  Blood pressure.  Strip down.  Gown on.  Hope on bed.  Warm blanket.  IV in.  Meet the Anesthesiologist.  Discuss how I vomited on the way home last time.  Get a nausea patch for behind my ear.  Start some anti nausea meds through IV.  Go to the bathroom....(yes, go to the bathroom...walk down the hall with an IV needle in the vein in your hand and the nurse holding the IV bag, with a gown on that is wide open and flapping in the breeze in the back).  Somewhere amongst all my chaos my husband showed up and gave me the thumbs up.  Everything had gone just as planned for him.  Yay!

After the bathroom excursion it is off to the blinding white operating table room.  Lay down.  More warm blankets.  Nurses checking bracelets and ID numbers.  Say hello to Dr. Stassart..and a few moments later watch the ceiling get wavy and pass out into La La land.

Only about 15 minutes later I awoke.  I think I wake up in the recovery room, but the only part I ever remember is coming-to in the same room I started in and wondering - how the hell did I get back on this bed?  WEIRD!  I'm always so groggy right afterward that the only thing that sounds good is a nap, but in comes the cookies and apple juice, and liquid tylenol with a water chaser.  Oh, and more warm blankets. 

In the midst of coming to, Rob shares with me that Dr. Stassart again retrieved 22 eggs - same as last time, but he told Rob he has a feeling that about 15 may be mature (I think we only had 7 or 8 last time).  Dr. Stassart is still optimistic about a day 5 Blastocyst transfer.

Not too long after I eat my snacks, Rob is instructed to dress me like a toddler (help with my pants and shoes so I don't fall over) and then we are free to go! 

We hop back in my parents luxury mobile and I pray with all my might that the nausea patch behind my ear will prevent me from using the lovely barf bag they supplied me with for the ride home.  We stopped for saltine crackers and water to try to help me as well, but no deal.

Right when we came in to WI I believe, I had a really bad pain in my left ovary.  The pain was so intense I grabbed the "oh crap" handle in the car as a wave of hot sweats poured over me.  The nausea was overwhelming.  I grabbed for my barf bag and tried to think how I would explain the mess I was no doubt about to make in my parent's new car.  I closed my eyes and let the feeling subside.  The rest of the ride I tried not to think about food, and by the time we got home I felt incredible.

Pretty sucky to have nausea the night before, and nearly the entire day of the procedure.  Really hoping it works this time so we can take a break from needles, pills, travel, finances, and nausea (unless it's in the form of morning sickness which I would gladly welcome).

When we got home Mom and Dad came over to drop off our menaces (Rodger and Cecil) and mom brought over some home cooking - bless her heart!  Stuffed green pepper soup, jello with fruit in it, and homemade snickerdoodle cookies.  Just what the doctor ordered.  They hugged and kissed us goodbye and headed off in their luxury automobile.  Oh how I will miss Comedy Series Radio.  Actually, I probably won't.  :)  Alyson and Randy stopped in to pick up their highly anticipated ganache cupcakes, and Cory stopped over about 40 minutes after them.  Sure is fun for us to bring a smile to our family's faces.

We then settled in and caught up on some TV, but I headed off to bed at 8am.  It was a long day and a 1/2. I opened my Medrol pill bottle - which was a new med you start after retrieval and you take for 4 nights.  When what to my wondering eyes did appear, but only 3 little pills, the 4th one's not here!  I had to call my nurse this morning to make an appointment for my OHSS check-up for Friday morning, and I told her about the pill debacle at Walgreens in Stevens Point, and how I only had 3 pills of the 4 I should have of Medrol.  She called everything in for me this morning.  I was prepared to pick up my meds after I fed the dogs, but there was a message on my machine saying that my prescription is not ready and they will call me when it is!  C'mon Walgreens!!!  It better be within the next 2 days before I run out of everything!  UGH!

We have been instructed to call "Med Voice" tomorrow after 2pm to find out when transfer will take place.  If we have to do a 3 day transfer, it will be on Saturday already.  They told us if we do a day 3, they will use assisted hatching, where they put a hole in the embryo to help it attach once it's inside.  But if we make it to day 5, like Dr. Stassart hopes, we will be in MN for transfer on Monday.  I'm hoping that's how it works out so we can drive up there on Sunday...not tomorrow night or Friday morning.  It all depends on what time of day the procedure is too. 

Right now I'm going to balance our checkbook from our trip.  Then, I'm going to relax.  My ovaries are still quite tender and I'd like to be feeling as good as possible for Transfer.  As usual, I'll continue to keep you posted!

second quote of the week...

When I told my friend Nikki that I'm dreading driving all the way to MN today, she said:

"Think of it as your first family vacation."

:)

quote of the week

When I told Rob I felt bad about not walking the dogs because my ovaries hurt, he said:

"Well, they have to suffer too if they want a baby brother."

:)

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to Minnesota we go...

Well, we are nearly ready for retrieval number two.

Tonight at 11:45pm (which is nearly 3 hours past my bedtime) I will give myself 2 more injections.  From there, we follow a bunch of other instructions...like no eating past midnight tomorrow night, etc...and then head off to MN for our 11:45am egg retrieval appointment on Wednesday, 12/12/12, AARON RODGERS DAY.  That has to be a good sign, right?  My nurse told me to wear my Rodgers jersey, and I just might...since I have to miss out on casual day at work I might as well enjoy myself on our road trip, right?  Who cares if we're going to a clinic in VIKING territory to have our procedure done! 

Hoping to have some good news when I come out of my drug induced sleep to find out we had some good quality eggs this time!  We shall wait and see!

Wednesday Retrieval?

Hey gang...I'm pretty tired.  Another long week.  I don't mean to make this short, but I probably will anyway.  Sorry!

2 days ago, on Wednesday, we had an ultrasound to see how things were growing.  I had about 12 follicles on each side.  They were small, but she was able to count all of them.  They like to tease me at the clinic that they dread doing my ultrasounds because it's so much work to count all the follicles I make!

That night we had a holiday party to go to put on by our Financial Advisor, The Hinnendael Group/Ameriprise Financial.  That was a lot of fun.  Free food, drinks, presents and entertainment!  Great night.  That is why I didn't write Wednesday night...too busy!

Thursday we just continued with our injections.  I had to hand out Holiday Hams to employees at work last night until 9:30pm which was a lot of fun but added to my already long week.  Growing eggs is tiring work and to add "life" on top of it...whew!  :)  (I know, I know, wait till the baby gets here...then you'll never relax).

Today we had another ultrasound.  I just got off the phone with my nurse.  We were scheduled for tentative retrieval on Monday, but that is looking more like Wednesday now.  Tomorrow morning  I stay with my Menapur/Bravelle injection (which I had to frantically order more of tonight) and then tomorrow night we add 2 more injections of Ganirelix and Low Dose HCG.  I do that Saturday and Sunday and then I have another ultrasound on Monday morning at 6:30am.  Depending on how that looks I guess we're shooting for a Wednesday retrieval date.  Yay!  That's my favorite part - get these things out of me...growing them is nerve-wracking.  You want to make sure everything is going well and you're afraid you're going to ovulate on your own and the whole thing will be ruined...but I think we're on the right track for everything.  We got to retrieval last time, so I'm sure we're fine.  Some women don't make it that far though - they have their cycles cancelled.  Don't want to be in that boat!!!

I was told today to start drinking fluids!  My ultrasound today showed some fluid starting to build up in my abdomen and we don't want OHSS again.  I am not sure how many follicles I have on each side but my ovaries are "kissing" again (they're so big they're touching in the middle) and they look like "chocolate chip cookies" with all their little "black holes" all over them.  (Now I'm craving chocolate chip cookies!)  :)

Which reminds me - for those of you paying attention, I did give up Weight Watchers shortly after Thanksgiving.  Right now is just not a good time to be trying to lose weight...said the girl who must now live in jogging pants the next few days to give her kissing ovaries some breathing room!

We have a holiday party to attend tomorrow - one that I'm REALLY looking forward to...only problem is, now I need to squeeze in an injection before we go.  Hoping it doesn't make me late to the festivities.  We'll figure it out I guess.

So the low dose HCG we ordered came today to Rob's shop.  We have to inspect it to see if it is pre-mixed.  If it is not, we have to meet with our nurse tomorrow for a quick "mixing class" to ensure that we don't screw it up!  So much for us to get right with all of this...so much room left for error!  Yikes!

So that's all from here.  Slow growing.  Wishing retrieval was still set for Monday, but looks like it'll be more of a mid week thing.  That will be OK.  That means Transfer could be Saturday the 15th or Monday the 17th.  It would be nice if it were Monday because then we could attend the Newhouse Holiday Brunch on the 16th.  We'll just see how things go.  I'll keep you posted!

Me and Kate Middleton, a tale of two princesses

Another great day.  I snoozed my alarm two times this morning and nearly slept in too long to make it to my blood test appointment on time!  I was having some CRAZY dreams.  Possibly related to the meds maybe?  I dreamt Rodger was lost and when he tried to run home to me he was hit by a car.  I dreamt I fell asleep in a swimming pool while waiting for guests to arrive to my pool party.  And, I had a horrifying dream about something grabbing my arms in the dark of night in my bedroom!  Scary!  Probably related to the scary YouTube video Cory had us watch at Dana's wedding! 
Rob helped me with my injection and today was only 4 vials of meds.  The last two days were 6 vials each day...so today seemed like a breeze.  I had no trouble with the injection and then I was off to my appointment.  It was just a simple blood draw so I was in and out of there.  Stopped at Kwik Trip for a healthy breakfast of a muffin (not) and OJ and made it to work at 6:50am. 
Work went great.  I have a lot on my plate this time of year but the ladies I work with are amazing.  They have stepped in to help me wherever I need it.  With their help I was able to iron out a few wrinkles in my office, but tomorrow there's lots more to be done!  My mind is swimming with all I need to accomplish in the next few weeks!  Oye!  I did leave work at 3pm today because I had some errands to run on the way home.  Deposited my expense check from Eldridge into savings, then ran over to Kohl's in Neenah.  On Friday I had made a large purchase there and forgot my 25% off coupon at home.  I had $60 Kohl's cash, but still wanted to get that 25% discount.  I had tried to go to my Kohl's on Saturday to get a price adjustment but they were unable to help me.  They had thought if I tried the Neenah store, maybe it would work.  I was not confident, but I walked in and tried it anyway.  With one swipe of her scanner gun I had my 25% back on my Kohl's card.  YES!  I felt like God really gave me a blessing with that one.
I then ran over to Festival Foods to do the speediest round of grocery shopping ever.  I had to get everything done so I could get home to the dogs who by this time were no doubt crossing their legs!!  I pulled into Festival's parking lot and as I was steering my van into a tight parking space, my phone rang.  Perfect timing!  It was my nurse.  She said everything was looking good.  My whole worry/fear about the leaky syringe was for nothing.  She said "all the meds must've gotten in there because your Estradiol level is at 109!"  I guess that's good?  :)  I am to stay on the protocol the doctor had originally mapped out for me.  This is a good feeling.  Last time I was a slow responder and they had to up my meds and change things...I had to order more medication from the pharmacy, etc.  This time, things are just running along smoothly!  Just as Dr. Stassart must have planned.  See?  He learned what didn't work last time and he tweaked it for this second time around and it's working like a charm!  I love it!  I have yet to officially determine if 109 is a good number...I will read in my "survival handbook" tonight about that.
I got home and cooked up some dinner, watched Ellen, and ran to Volvo to pick up parts for Rob.  Now that I'm finally home for the night I'm super tired.  I think the meds do make you sleepy.  I plan to throw on my standard IVF uniform (sweatpants and sweatshirt) and park it in front of the TV for the night.  :)  Rest and relaxation is important for those eggs to grow!
I have my ultrasound on Wednesday.  Rob will come along for that.  He will ask for pictures.  :)  If we get any I'll post for your viewing pleasure. 
I heard Kate Middleton is pregnant today.  I'm happy for them, I mean, the whole world is...but at the same time it's like "there's another chick who just got pregnant as soon as she thought one pretty little 'let's get pregnant' thought."  Sigh.  When I vented to my friends at work Jessie said "don't worry, in 12 days you'll be pregnant too."  She's probably right.  :)

I'm in a good place

Yesterday was a great day.  We had Rob's cousin's wedding to attend.  Rob and I both had new outfits and we dressed up in style and made it to the church on time.  The ceremony was wonderful.  His cousin and her fiance were together 11.5 years before they made it down the aisle together, so it was nice to see their fairytale "ending"...or perhaps I should say beginning...finally come true.

 

Below is a picture from the "photobooth" that they had at their reception.  What a neat idea!  When Rob and I got married the new thing was disposable cameras at each table...but now apparently you just get a photobooth hauled in to your venue!  You get to take your strip of photos home with you and the other copy goes to the bride and groom.  I tried to find a way to upload it into my blog here but it's pretty fuzzy.  I'm only sharing 2 of the photos with you.  In the other 2 photos, I was giving the camera the finger...yes, that's right...flipping the bird...although I was under the impression that I would not be the only one doing it.  Classy.  And, I don't even drink anymore!

 

 

Had a fun time with the family, as usual, ate too much, and went home "early" at 10pm.  I'm exhausted today!  Although, I know I am feeling better than Ann must be today!  LOL!  Love ya Ann!

 

 

Now to the juicy stuff.  How did our injection go this morning you might ask?  First of all, lets go back to yesterday. I failed to mention in yesterday's blog - and he will probably kill me for mentioning this but it should be said so you can get the full idea of how well yesterday went - Rob usually rolls right out of bed to help me with my meds.  Meds are kept in our spare bedroom which is in the front of our house with a window that faces the neighbor's house, and another window that faces Capitol drive...a fairly busy road.  Now, when I say "rolls out of bed..." on some days this could mean "rolls out of bed in just his boxers" or, on other days... "rolls out of bed in just his birthday suit."  Yesterday happened to be one of those b-day suit days.  He was standing in our front bedroom, with the lights on, while it was still dark out, with all the blinds UP...in just his b-day suit.  While we quickly drew the shades to conceal his manhood, I'm sure it shook us both up a bit. 

 

I'll pause for a moment while you wipe the tears and laughter from your faces.

 

Ok - so then you all know how "well" it went yesterday...with the leaky syringe...leaving me to question EVERYTHING.

 

Today was a different story.  The blinds were drawn.  The meds were mixed.  We were like a well-oiled machine.  Two accomplices on a mission to not fail.  We had one goal in common - to get those meds into my skin with NO leaks...to grow those darn ovaries as big as we can get `em!!! 

 

Rob handed me the full syringe with the needle twisted on TIGHT.  I wasted NO time and did not falter in executing the subcutaneous belly stick.  I pushed the plunger down at a respectable pace...not too fast, but not too slow.  No leaks.  A little burn.  A little blood.  Success!  About 30 minutes later the skin on my stomach was white and puffy.  A good sign that those meds were floating around under there.  We should've high-fived one another as we tossed the needle into our bio-hazard container.  What a team!  Our baby will be so proud of our dedication given to the effort of creating his/her life.

 

While we watched the Packer game I felt a slight twinge in my right side.  Grow baby grow!  It will be fun to watch our progress this week.  This time around seems SO much easier.  I know exactly what's coming in the days ahead and we'll be to the "good stuff" before we know it!  Possibly only 8 more days until retrieval.  Rock on!

 

A friend of mine posted something on Facebook that said "Sometimes things fall apart so other things can fall together."  This has been true in my life, and I've seen it in the lives of people close to me.  Maybe all our other failed baby-making attempts have lead us to this.  If we had a successful outcome last time we wouldn't have had the "frantic blind shutting moment" yesterday morning.  We must always appreciate the little things.

 

At the wedding last night I watched the children.  I've grown more and more smitten with children lately, and especially my nieces as they grow older.  I relate to them more as they grow up and share things with me.  They are all such beautiful girls.  I watched last night as Kayla and Lauren used Rob's dad's lap as a jungle gym.  I watched as each one of them came to Grandma for whatever they might need at the moment...water, a hug, a dance partner.  I watched the other children...the little boys who treated the dance floor like a track and field arena who ran laps with blazin'-red cheeks and sweat-drenched hair.  I watched the little girls who, like little princesses in their poofy ball-gowns, danced the night away while being held in their father's arms...and eyes...and hearts.  I watched the pregnant couples smile for the camera while the father placed his hand lovingly on his partner's protruding belly.  I watched this all in wonder and amazement.  I know first-hand that creating life is no small feat.  It is truly a miracle. 

 

Everyone knows that their child is a miracle and a gift from God, but I think people who struggle with infertility understand it even more than they ever could.  When you struggle to have a child you know how blessed the people are that didn't struggle at all.  You would give anything to have that surprise pregnancy test result.  But, I'm careful with how I word that because I know that all people struggle, in different ways.  Some people struggle to have the money to pay for that miracle once it arrives.  Some people struggle with illness and disease in their little miracle.  Some struggle with relationship issues after welcoming their little miracle.  Everyone has their own struggles.  Not having pregnancy come easy just happens to be our struggle. 

 

Last night I looked at our family, the Newhouse's, as a whole, and how we've always accepted each other for exactly what we are and what each of us brings to the table at any given moment.  I thought about how exciting it would be for me to bring a child into the family that could sit on Grandpa's lap and follow Emma's every move.  Maybe it is in the cards for us...hopefully sooner than later.  I thought about how if it doesn't happen that our family will not change.  That there is endless love there for Rob and I with or without children...but I imagine how wonderful it would be to watch that love grow even bigger.  :)

 

Today my mom and dad came to meet Rob and I at the shop.  The 4 of us get along so great and it was fun to have their company there while we toiled away at our shop duty requirements.  I thought again then too of how it would be to say "it's Grandma and Grandpa!" to more than just the dogs as they walk through the door. 

 

Last time we went through this process I fought hard to remain positive, and in the end I was again crushingly let down.  It's a lot to put yourself through to have it not work out.  This time around I have a more comforting feeling that I think it's gonna work, whereas last time I was so guarded in case it didn't.    Last time I looked for "signs" in every little thing...it was like life had stopped so IVF could take place.  This time it's more like IVF is something we're fitting into our life!  I am more relaxed, confident, and comfortable with everything that's taking place.  I'm in a good place.  :)

 

I'll keep you posted as the week forges on...should have lots of updates as the b/w and u/s take place on Monday and Wednesday.  Exciting!!!

Hey ovaries, we're going to pump - you up!

Well, Rob and I are a little rusty when it comes to injections.  We did our first one this morning and it didn't go well.  We had to mix 6 vials of meds into 1 injection.  Rob did a good job mixing.  But, then either the needle wasn't screwed on very tight or I pushed the injection in too slowly, but I had some drips/drops of fluid fall out on my pants...so we definitely did not get all the meds into my body.  :(  That makes me SOOO nervous.  However, we decided to just let it go.  Try harder tomorrow.  We determined that if we did something wrong they'll see on Monday by my blood numbers and on Wednesday by my ultrasound that things aren't growing fast enough and they'll just up my meds.  Still a crappy feeling.  I can see on my belly the hole where the needle went in, but I don't see any irritation of the skin around it....it's like there's no meds in there at all!  WTH!?!?  I know I'm just the queen of paranoia and last time I worried about things and it all turned out fine. 
It was a little traumatic this morning to jam that needle into my stomach again.  It had been awhile since I'd done it and so I freaked out about shoving it in, then pushed slowly as I think you're supposed to do that to let the meds disperse under your skin, but then as it was dripping out onto my pajama pants it appeared a bunch of it was leaking out around the top of the needle.  Talk about a moment of panic!  I emailed my nurse right away to let her know what happened, we'll just have to move on from here.
Today is Rob's cousin Dana's wedding. That should be a fun time.  Before then I will clean up the house, walk the dogs, wrap some Christmas gifts.  I'll check in tomorrow hopefully with better news on how tomorrows injection went!  UGH!