Sunday, October 28, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
Lots and lots and lots of blog stuff!
I've been quite the blog slacker as of late. Just not much infertility stuff to write about I guess. I did have a couple things to share...
Got these very pretty flowers from our friends, Cheryl and Mark. They showed up at work a few days after our dismal IVF failure. It was a mystery because they were waiting for me on my boss Jacci's desk. The card was definitely written in a man's handwriting. After much thought and investigation we narrowed it down, and eventually Cheryl confessed that she and Mark were the sneaky flower givers. They brightened up my office and my mood for many days. What a fun surprise!
We also received a card in the mail from our friends Adam and Amy, and many more cards, sweet emails and Facebook messages from friends galore. We sure are lucky to have such great support.
Awhile ago online I found this list that someone else wrote but I found it to be worth sharing because it cracked me up! Not all of you may find this to be funny or true, but if you have dealt with infertility/IVF you will 100% understand. If you haven't dealt with infertility, this list might help you see, in a completely humorous way, what Rob and I are going through. I copied and pasted it from this woman's blog - want to give her proper credit so her picture and name are posted...she is from Australia:
14 things you don't want to hear when you're doing IVF:
by DONNA DUNN
Like a lot of other Australian women I too am on the IVF bandwagon in the eternal quest to have a baby.
During this time I have been offered loads of tips, tricks, advice about what we should and shouldn’t be doing. I get that it is a sensitive issue and a lot of people don’t really understand what IVF is.
Often they are genuinely just trying to say, well, something, anything, in response to a very awkward conversation.
So I take this ‘advice’ with a large grain of salt and try to keep my sense of humour intact. Occasionally it does wear thin but mostly my husband and I just have a good chuckle and roll our eyes.
Here are some of the most common corkers we’ve heard over the last 12 months:
1.” You can always get a dog.” Awesome! Up until now we had been thinking we wouldn’t ever be able to get a dog, but now that we’re infertile we qualify as pet owners. You’re right a silky terrier is just the same as a baby. And like you say they are heaps easier to look after. And cheaper too. Problem solved!
2. Just adopt a baby from Ethiopia - a little black baby would be so cute! Yes, I will just ring the adoption agency right now and put an order in. Should be here next week. Maybe Angelina and I could be pen-pals. I’ll probably even call it Pax or Knox or something else that ends in X that makes me sound like a celebrity.
3. You just need to relax. Really? That’s where I’ve been going wrong. You’re right IVF is such a calming, relaxing experience. If only I had relaxed sooner I would have seven kids by now.
4. When you stop trying, it will happen. Um, actually when I stop trying NOTHING will happen, hence why I’m in this predicament. But thanks for your expert opinion.
5. My best friend’s uncle’s sister did IVF for seven years. Then she stopped and got pregnant naturally. That is lovely, but I, and everyone else with infertility issues are not the same as your best friend’s uncle’s sister. Nor do I have the time or money to go at it for seven years then stop so I can miraculously get pregnant naturally like your best friends uncle’s sister.
6. I don’t really get what IVF is anyway. (Cue shoulder shrug) Well if you’re any kind of friend would it kill you to a) ask what’s involved or b) cheat and Google it. How can you support someone if you can’t be bothered finding out what it is?
7. Wow, your boobs look massive, bet your husband is loving it. Yes they are. Massive. And they hurt. A lot. When you’re pumping yourself with daily injections of hormones and steroids then yes things are going to get big. So big that when you go to buy bigger bras it results in a melt down in the change rooms at Myer when the Berlei lady says, ‘We don’t have anything in that size, darl. What about we get you in a maternity bra?’ And I can assure you that even if my husband was “loving” them, he would be doing so from afar and in silence knowing that he risks death by firing squad if he were to express his “loving” of them. (This also applies to how big your abdomen gets...so much so that you may resort to wearing maternity jeans if you have to go out in public and can't wear your pajama pants that you've been living in for the past 2 weeks).
8. You should be thankful for those big boobs, people pay ten grand for a set of those. This is normally said when you dare lament at your super-sized hormone induced udders. But you’re right, I should be so thankful, because like you say I am saving myself ten grand on a new set of boobs. Think of the savings, ladies! (Nevermind what IVF is costing us!)
9. You guys must be having so much sex, hubby would be loving that. Actually we’re not. Well not since Jesus was a small boy. You see had you bothered to find out what IVF is you would realise sex doesn’t actually come into the equation. Whilst my husband is having some ‘gentleman’s time’ in the store room of the fertility clinic with some 70’s porn mags (hair was big back then), I am in hospital next door having a very long needle inserted into my vagina. This needle will puncture my ovaries to try and retrieve some eggs. If the good doctor gets any eggs they are rushed over to consummate passionately in a Petri dish with my husband’s 70’s porn induced sample. So yeah, that is the extent of the sex in this household.
10. Have you tried drinking this special tea? Listen love, if I’m dropping ten grand per cycle of IVF, you can bet your bottom dollar I have tried every special tea, every herb, every acupuncturist, every diet, every positive affirmation and every other ridiculous miracle product available that promises you a baby at the end. Admittedly the powdered Patagonian tooth fish broth imported from Peru was probably going a bit too far…. but you name it and of course I’ve bloody tried it. That’s how I got to this point – the last chance dance that is IVF.
11. If you don’t have kids think of all the awesome holidays you’ll be able to go on. I’m a silly billy! I didn’t realise that once you have kids all ‘awesome’ holidays got cancelled and you have to stay at home and rot in a dungeon with your crying babies forever. I’ve been on many ‘awesome’ holidays. But I would much rather have children. Oh, and by the time I finish IVF there will be zero dollars left to go on said “awesome’ childless holidays anyway. Unless pitching a tent in your parents backyard with two minute noodles counts?
12. My husband just has to look at me and I fall pregnant.Fantastic, maybe I should invite him around so he can look at me and I too shall magically fall pregnant. Seriously how is that comment supposed to make me feel about my situation? Oh, and P.S. Maybe you should whack a blindfold on your husband occasionally.
13. Be careful, you could turn into Octo-mum. Thank you for comparing my situation to a Jerry Springer guest but the chances of that happening are virtually impossible. See, had you bothered to find out what IVF is you would realise that the transfer of numerous embryos is not only ridiculous, but more importantly not practiced here Australia. Yes, I’m desperate, but not stupid.
14. I’ve got a feeling it’s going to work out this time. Phew! It’s finally going to work because you’ve got a ‘feeling.’ Was it the same ‘feeling’ you had the last four cycles? Mmmmm and how did they turn out? I rest my case.
I know people only mean well and their intent isn’t malicious – it is truly a tricky subject to talk about. My suggestion? Talk about it. If you are sharing the fact that you are doing IVF with someone then tell them what it actually involves so their ‘helpful advice’ is kept to a minimum.
I am the only female working in an office with big burly men who blush and run a mile with regard to ‘ladytalk.’ But I found that once I was upfront about it and told them exactly what was involved and why I behaved like a mad woman occasionally, they were great and very understanding and supportive.
Once they had an idea of what I was going through – the stress, hormones, tears, fears, anxious waits, increasing girth and general nuttiness it made it so much easier. Now we joke about it and it’s not an awkward taboo subject.
Some of my colleagues can even talk the IVF lingo now. They understand how the cycles roll and why some weeks I will be crying in the corner with a packet of TimTams and other weeks I will be “just relaxing” – because that’s apparently all you need to do to get pregnant, remember??
Heard on the radio that Katie on WIXX is pregnant. I LOVE Katie. I have been listening to her since she was "Intern Katie." I think she is hilarious and I love that she loves Bieber. Who wouldn't love a gal like that? I did not realize she was pregnant until a few days ago when I was able to figure it out from her on-air conversation. I know, I'm a regular Sherlock Holmes. It's funny, because I suddenly got jealous of my radio friend Katie. I thought, man...she just got married, and just bought a house, and now is expecting. Things went for her the way they should for everyone. Why is it that some people struggle with pregnancy and others it just happens for so naturally? You should be able to find your mate, profess your love, and then procreate whenever you want to. It should be like buying a car. You shop around, you get the financing, and you drive away happy. It should just work easily like that. I suppose though, some people get turned away from buying a car due to bad credit, some people smash up their new car, or have it repo-ed. I guess nothing in the world is easy for everyone. Each person has their struggles. I'm sure even Radio Katie has had some tough times in her life. Anyway, I'm so happy for Katie and can't wait to listen to WIXX as her pregnancy and motherhood play out on-air for all to hear, but secretly I jealously wish that that was how the fairytale would've played out for me and my Prince Charming. AND - she went to the Bieber concert last night, where it was loud and crowded, and her baby is just fine. I couldn't even walk around the Shawano Fair without miscarrying! Man!
Went to Rob's cousin's bridal shower this past weekend. So exciting to see someone anticipating marriage. So blissful. Planning the wedding is so fun. It is the preface to marriage. The preface to: working too many hours and never seeing each other as the low-fat meal you just concocted to help you lose those stubborn 20+ pounds you recently gained simmers on the stove while you are cleaning up cat puke on the rug you just washed during which time you contemplate a way to pay off that $200 Kohl's bill you just racked up. Ah bridal showers. A chance for married women to sit around and eat while they watch another lovely young lady leap over to their side of the fence. Don't get me wrong. Marriage is wonderful. My marriage especially!! While I was at that bridal shower, my husband cleaned the entire house for me! I mean he CLEANED it. Scrubbed counters and vaccuumed even! I'll give you a moment for your jealousy to subside. :) But back to the bridal shower...at this particular one the bride to be gushed about how many children she would have with her soon to be husband. We noted how her bridesmaids were cutting the ribbons off the packages to assist her with opening them, but that was defeating the purpose of breaking the ribbons as a tell-tale sign of how many children she could actually be expecting with her new hubby. I pray that for this bride to be, Rob's lovely cousin, one of the sweetest souls on earth, that her broken ribbons that her bridesmaids were gyping her out of still do come true. I laughed as I remembered my shower. I'm sure I broke more than ZERO ribbons. I also remember discussing children, even before my shower. We had planned to have a family. Everyone in the audience at my shower no doubt was looking forward to that next part in the journey of Rob and Jennine. We even got gifts at our bridal shower that hinted towards kids. We had it in our plans for much sooner than at age 34 with IVF. I guess even the best laid plans don't always turn out the way you'd hoped.
I had to include this picture in my blog. The three beautiful women you see pictured here with me have been my best friends since childhood. We don't often get together anymore, but when we do that same bond that we've always had is still there. It's amazing how that works...not with everyone...but with the right people it does. I remember growing up with these girls. I did not peg myself as the one to not have kids by this age. :) It's so wonderful to see where each of our lives have taken us. So happy to still have them all in my life...even if it's from a distance.
Lastly I would like to blog about my weight. My physique if you will. HOLY MOLEY things are out of control! You know that little thing known as stress? Well, I think it manifests itself in many ways for people. For me, it manifests itself in my butt, thighs, and belly. You can see what lots of meds, worry, and disappointment has done to me in a short period of time. Chocolate and fast food were once my enemy and have resurfaced as my best friends. Not as good of friends as the ones in the picture above, but let's just say I see chocolate and fast food on a much more frequent basis than I see those beautiful girls pictured above. :) We got a letter from our Doctor explaining our next protocol and it explained what went on in Round One. Each time they take your blood they are checking to see what your E2 levels are. If they are above 3,000 you are at risk for hyperstimulation which could land you in the hospital. It can be a life threatening condition. I never asked what my levels were at, but this letter indicated I was at 4,700! No wonder it hurt to walk and my gut looked like I was already pregnant! So yeah, this roller coaster ride causes a little stress. Couple that with "taking it easy" and not exercising, and you have a recipe for a hip-circumference disaster!
I have resolved that over the next few weeks Rob and I will FINALLY start eating better and exercising to try to get back to a sense of normal before round two. I had some stress at my job recently and with Rob's work being so busy on top of a recent decision to try to refinance our home and duplexes, it leaves little time to focus on yourself and your health. But I recently remembered how being healthy can make everything feel much easier, so I'm going to try for that again - even if it's on a much smaller scale than last time when I decided to run every 5k in my area...smaller scale...ha ha, that's funny. If I don't turn this around I would be needing a bigger scale...better turn this around before I'm back at RMIA and the nurse is slowly sliding that weight on the scale further and further to the right. Man, I hate when she does that!
Ok - that got us caught up for now. I will try to blog a little more often. Thanks for staying tuned in!
We also received a card in the mail from our friends Adam and Amy, and many more cards, sweet emails and Facebook messages from friends galore. We sure are lucky to have such great support.
Awhile ago online I found this list that someone else wrote but I found it to be worth sharing because it cracked me up! Not all of you may find this to be funny or true, but if you have dealt with infertility/IVF you will 100% understand. If you haven't dealt with infertility, this list might help you see, in a completely humorous way, what Rob and I are going through. I copied and pasted it from this woman's blog - want to give her proper credit so her picture and name are posted...she is from Australia:
14 things you don't want to hear when you're doing IVF:
Donna
by DONNA DUNN
Like a lot of other Australian women I too am on the IVF bandwagon in the eternal quest to have a baby.
During this time I have been offered loads of tips, tricks, advice about what we should and shouldn’t be doing. I get that it is a sensitive issue and a lot of people don’t really understand what IVF is.
Often they are genuinely just trying to say, well, something, anything, in response to a very awkward conversation.
So I take this ‘advice’ with a large grain of salt and try to keep my sense of humour intact. Occasionally it does wear thin but mostly my husband and I just have a good chuckle and roll our eyes.
Here are some of the most common corkers we’ve heard over the last 12 months:
1.” You can always get a dog.” Awesome! Up until now we had been thinking we wouldn’t ever be able to get a dog, but now that we’re infertile we qualify as pet owners. You’re right a silky terrier is just the same as a baby. And like you say they are heaps easier to look after. And cheaper too. Problem solved!
“You can always get a dog.”
2. Just adopt a baby from Ethiopia - a little black baby would be so cute! Yes, I will just ring the adoption agency right now and put an order in. Should be here next week. Maybe Angelina and I could be pen-pals. I’ll probably even call it Pax or Knox or something else that ends in X that makes me sound like a celebrity.
3. You just need to relax. Really? That’s where I’ve been going wrong. You’re right IVF is such a calming, relaxing experience. If only I had relaxed sooner I would have seven kids by now.
4. When you stop trying, it will happen. Um, actually when I stop trying NOTHING will happen, hence why I’m in this predicament. But thanks for your expert opinion.
5. My best friend’s uncle’s sister did IVF for seven years. Then she stopped and got pregnant naturally. That is lovely, but I, and everyone else with infertility issues are not the same as your best friend’s uncle’s sister. Nor do I have the time or money to go at it for seven years then stop so I can miraculously get pregnant naturally like your best friends uncle’s sister.
6. I don’t really get what IVF is anyway. (Cue shoulder shrug) Well if you’re any kind of friend would it kill you to a) ask what’s involved or b) cheat and Google it. How can you support someone if you can’t be bothered finding out what it is?
7. Wow, your boobs look massive, bet your husband is loving it. Yes they are. Massive. And they hurt. A lot. When you’re pumping yourself with daily injections of hormones and steroids then yes things are going to get big. So big that when you go to buy bigger bras it results in a melt down in the change rooms at Myer when the Berlei lady says, ‘We don’t have anything in that size, darl. What about we get you in a maternity bra?’ And I can assure you that even if my husband was “loving” them, he would be doing so from afar and in silence knowing that he risks death by firing squad if he were to express his “loving” of them. (This also applies to how big your abdomen gets...so much so that you may resort to wearing maternity jeans if you have to go out in public and can't wear your pajama pants that you've been living in for the past 2 weeks).
8. You should be thankful for those big boobs, people pay ten grand for a set of those. This is normally said when you dare lament at your super-sized hormone induced udders. But you’re right, I should be so thankful, because like you say I am saving myself ten grand on a new set of boobs. Think of the savings, ladies! (Nevermind what IVF is costing us!)
9. You guys must be having so much sex, hubby would be loving that. Actually we’re not. Well not since Jesus was a small boy. You see had you bothered to find out what IVF is you would realise sex doesn’t actually come into the equation. Whilst my husband is having some ‘gentleman’s time’ in the store room of the fertility clinic with some 70’s porn mags (hair was big back then), I am in hospital next door having a very long needle inserted into my vagina. This needle will puncture my ovaries to try and retrieve some eggs. If the good doctor gets any eggs they are rushed over to consummate passionately in a Petri dish with my husband’s 70’s porn induced sample. So yeah, that is the extent of the sex in this household.
10. Have you tried drinking this special tea? Listen love, if I’m dropping ten grand per cycle of IVF, you can bet your bottom dollar I have tried every special tea, every herb, every acupuncturist, every diet, every positive affirmation and every other ridiculous miracle product available that promises you a baby at the end. Admittedly the powdered Patagonian tooth fish broth imported from Peru was probably going a bit too far…. but you name it and of course I’ve bloody tried it. That’s how I got to this point – the last chance dance that is IVF.
11. If you don’t have kids think of all the awesome holidays you’ll be able to go on. I’m a silly billy! I didn’t realise that once you have kids all ‘awesome’ holidays got cancelled and you have to stay at home and rot in a dungeon with your crying babies forever. I’ve been on many ‘awesome’ holidays. But I would much rather have children. Oh, and by the time I finish IVF there will be zero dollars left to go on said “awesome’ childless holidays anyway. Unless pitching a tent in your parents backyard with two minute noodles counts?
12. My husband just has to look at me and I fall pregnant.Fantastic, maybe I should invite him around so he can look at me and I too shall magically fall pregnant. Seriously how is that comment supposed to make me feel about my situation? Oh, and P.S. Maybe you should whack a blindfold on your husband occasionally.
13. Be careful, you could turn into Octo-mum. Thank you for comparing my situation to a Jerry Springer guest but the chances of that happening are virtually impossible. See, had you bothered to find out what IVF is you would realise that the transfer of numerous embryos is not only ridiculous, but more importantly not practiced here Australia. Yes, I’m desperate, but not stupid.
14. I’ve got a feeling it’s going to work out this time. Phew! It’s finally going to work because you’ve got a ‘feeling.’ Was it the same ‘feeling’ you had the last four cycles? Mmmmm and how did they turn out? I rest my case.
I know people only mean well and their intent isn’t malicious – it is truly a tricky subject to talk about. My suggestion? Talk about it. If you are sharing the fact that you are doing IVF with someone then tell them what it actually involves so their ‘helpful advice’ is kept to a minimum.
I am the only female working in an office with big burly men who blush and run a mile with regard to ‘ladytalk.’ But I found that once I was upfront about it and told them exactly what was involved and why I behaved like a mad woman occasionally, they were great and very understanding and supportive.
Once they had an idea of what I was going through – the stress, hormones, tears, fears, anxious waits, increasing girth and general nuttiness it made it so much easier. Now we joke about it and it’s not an awkward taboo subject.
Some of my colleagues can even talk the IVF lingo now. They understand how the cycles roll and why some weeks I will be crying in the corner with a packet of TimTams and other weeks I will be “just relaxing” – because that’s apparently all you need to do to get pregnant, remember??
Well...I thought it was funny anyway! :)
Donna is a 32 year old detective in the NSWP. She lives in Byron Bay with her husband of six years, Kurt. She has literally had a gutful of injections.
Heard on the radio that Katie on WIXX is pregnant. I LOVE Katie. I have been listening to her since she was "Intern Katie." I think she is hilarious and I love that she loves Bieber. Who wouldn't love a gal like that? I did not realize she was pregnant until a few days ago when I was able to figure it out from her on-air conversation. I know, I'm a regular Sherlock Holmes. It's funny, because I suddenly got jealous of my radio friend Katie. I thought, man...she just got married, and just bought a house, and now is expecting. Things went for her the way they should for everyone. Why is it that some people struggle with pregnancy and others it just happens for so naturally? You should be able to find your mate, profess your love, and then procreate whenever you want to. It should be like buying a car. You shop around, you get the financing, and you drive away happy. It should just work easily like that. I suppose though, some people get turned away from buying a car due to bad credit, some people smash up their new car, or have it repo-ed. I guess nothing in the world is easy for everyone. Each person has their struggles. I'm sure even Radio Katie has had some tough times in her life. Anyway, I'm so happy for Katie and can't wait to listen to WIXX as her pregnancy and motherhood play out on-air for all to hear, but secretly I jealously wish that that was how the fairytale would've played out for me and my Prince Charming. AND - she went to the Bieber concert last night, where it was loud and crowded, and her baby is just fine. I couldn't even walk around the Shawano Fair without miscarrying! Man!
Went to Rob's cousin's bridal shower this past weekend. So exciting to see someone anticipating marriage. So blissful. Planning the wedding is so fun. It is the preface to marriage. The preface to: working too many hours and never seeing each other as the low-fat meal you just concocted to help you lose those stubborn 20+ pounds you recently gained simmers on the stove while you are cleaning up cat puke on the rug you just washed during which time you contemplate a way to pay off that $200 Kohl's bill you just racked up. Ah bridal showers. A chance for married women to sit around and eat while they watch another lovely young lady leap over to their side of the fence. Don't get me wrong. Marriage is wonderful. My marriage especially!! While I was at that bridal shower, my husband cleaned the entire house for me! I mean he CLEANED it. Scrubbed counters and vaccuumed even! I'll give you a moment for your jealousy to subside. :) But back to the bridal shower...at this particular one the bride to be gushed about how many children she would have with her soon to be husband. We noted how her bridesmaids were cutting the ribbons off the packages to assist her with opening them, but that was defeating the purpose of breaking the ribbons as a tell-tale sign of how many children she could actually be expecting with her new hubby. I pray that for this bride to be, Rob's lovely cousin, one of the sweetest souls on earth, that her broken ribbons that her bridesmaids were gyping her out of still do come true. I laughed as I remembered my shower. I'm sure I broke more than ZERO ribbons. I also remember discussing children, even before my shower. We had planned to have a family. Everyone in the audience at my shower no doubt was looking forward to that next part in the journey of Rob and Jennine. We even got gifts at our bridal shower that hinted towards kids. We had it in our plans for much sooner than at age 34 with IVF. I guess even the best laid plans don't always turn out the way you'd hoped.
Lastly I would like to blog about my weight. My physique if you will. HOLY MOLEY things are out of control! You know that little thing known as stress? Well, I think it manifests itself in many ways for people. For me, it manifests itself in my butt, thighs, and belly. You can see what lots of meds, worry, and disappointment has done to me in a short period of time. Chocolate and fast food were once my enemy and have resurfaced as my best friends. Not as good of friends as the ones in the picture above, but let's just say I see chocolate and fast food on a much more frequent basis than I see those beautiful girls pictured above. :) We got a letter from our Doctor explaining our next protocol and it explained what went on in Round One. Each time they take your blood they are checking to see what your E2 levels are. If they are above 3,000 you are at risk for hyperstimulation which could land you in the hospital. It can be a life threatening condition. I never asked what my levels were at, but this letter indicated I was at 4,700! No wonder it hurt to walk and my gut looked like I was already pregnant! So yeah, this roller coaster ride causes a little stress. Couple that with "taking it easy" and not exercising, and you have a recipe for a hip-circumference disaster!
I have resolved that over the next few weeks Rob and I will FINALLY start eating better and exercising to try to get back to a sense of normal before round two. I had some stress at my job recently and with Rob's work being so busy on top of a recent decision to try to refinance our home and duplexes, it leaves little time to focus on yourself and your health. But I recently remembered how being healthy can make everything feel much easier, so I'm going to try for that again - even if it's on a much smaller scale than last time when I decided to run every 5k in my area...smaller scale...ha ha, that's funny. If I don't turn this around I would be needing a bigger scale...better turn this around before I'm back at RMIA and the nurse is slowly sliding that weight on the scale further and further to the right. Man, I hate when she does that!
Ok - that got us caught up for now. I will try to blog a little more often. Thanks for staying tuned in!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
missed phone call
So sad I missed a phone call from RMIA on my way home from work today. Probably a good thing because it would be hard to drive and take down dates and instructions. The message left was that Dr. Stassart put through the orders for our next protocol and he is looking at the week of December 10th. Then the girl on the message said "call us when you get your mid to late November period" - I wonder how they know it will be mid to late November? I'm thinking it will be around November 8th. Anyway...they said to call them then so I can get on the pill and get on the schedule. So, I don't think I have to call her back tomorrow....but maybe I should so she knows I got the message...maybe I'll just email my nurse here in Appleton to let her know...
Either way, November is not that far away. Again I eagerly await the start of my period so we can begin things. When she says "the week of December 10th" I don't know if that means that is when I'll begin everything or if that is when retrieval and transfer are targeted...I guess I'll find out soon enough!
Either way, November is not that far away. Again I eagerly await the start of my period so we can begin things. When she says "the week of December 10th" I don't know if that means that is when I'll begin everything or if that is when retrieval and transfer are targeted...I guess I'll find out soon enough!
Monday, October 15, 2012
Long time no blog
Hi Everyone -
Rob and I had our phone consultation with Dr. Stassart today. It went so well! First of all, let me just say, that Dr. Stassart is the kindest most genuine doctor and I'm so glad we're entrusting this all to him. Each time we talk with him he renews our spirit that this will work for us.
The conversation started with him sympathizing with us and letting us know how sorry he is that it didn't work out. He knows how hard it is but then he said "but I know we can do better." He explained what we already knew, that he learned a lot from our first cycle and has some ideas for our next try. He had been hoping for a different outcome for us because we are young and healthy and had thought it would work, but then he got to see how I responded to the meds and he knows now how to better treat us next time.
He said the first time I got off to a "slow start." He says next time he can give me more stimulating drugs to start with and taper off. He said last time he was walking a thin line with me between trying to grow those smaller follicles to a mature size and me becoming very ill with OHSS. He says this next time around he can even specifically target some of the larger follicles and go for more quality than quantity.
He also mentioned that he will not put me on Lupron to start with. He will save that for when it is time to "trigger" because if I can use Lupron to trigger, I will need less HCG trigger, which will also help prevent OHSS.
He said that next round he'll be able to "manipulate" my cycle (he said in this case manipulation is a good thing) to get the best results now that he knows how I respond to meds. He says he is pretty confident that he can get us to a day 5 blast transfer. He mentioned that if we have to do a day 3, which he doesn't think we will, that he would use assisted hatching on a day 3 transfer. He is pretty confident though that we'll get a high quality blast and be able to transfer one embryo on day 5. And, that we'll have some to freeze.
He said several times that he is "very confident" and that "this will work for us." I did ask him my question about what if there is something really wrong with Rob and I and he said "no no no. The fact that you have gotten pregnant in the past is a good sign. This is just bad luck." He did mention, without trying to make us feel bad, that several of the transfers he just did worked out well. So, that is just another good sign that the lab is working well, etc. It goes to show that he's looking at every little thing to see what he can tweak/fix.
He told us that he "knows who we are" that we are not just a number to him. He says because I'm young we have a good shot at it working yet. He did say I need a "break" to get my ovaries back to "normal" so a nurse will be calling us before the end of the week to schedule our next cycle for somewhere between the end of November and the end of December. Rob and I are looking forward to getting started again as soon as possible but understand the need to wait a month or two.
He said he will write up our order because he doesn't want any "grass to grow beneath us." Although we have to wait to get started, he wants to make it a priority to get things ready to go.
He had asked us a couple questions, like if I had any cramping immediately after transfer...or if I had any bleeding prior to my negative test result. I answered no to both of those questions, so that helped him decipher things too. I did tell him about my one night of cramping about 3 days after transfer and he attributed that to my meds. Progesterone and Estrogen can make your uterus cramp.
Overall it was an inspiring conversation. Dr. Stassart is not giving up on us, therefore neither am I. I have high hopes for round two. It feels good to have a plan of action based on "fact" - on how my body performed the first time. It feels good just to have a different plan of action in general. It feels good to have a positive, confident doctor. It feels good to have hope and faith again. Can't wait to see how round two turns out!
I'll write again when I hear from the nurse regarding when we are actually scheduled to begin.
Rob and I had our phone consultation with Dr. Stassart today. It went so well! First of all, let me just say, that Dr. Stassart is the kindest most genuine doctor and I'm so glad we're entrusting this all to him. Each time we talk with him he renews our spirit that this will work for us.
The conversation started with him sympathizing with us and letting us know how sorry he is that it didn't work out. He knows how hard it is but then he said "but I know we can do better." He explained what we already knew, that he learned a lot from our first cycle and has some ideas for our next try. He had been hoping for a different outcome for us because we are young and healthy and had thought it would work, but then he got to see how I responded to the meds and he knows now how to better treat us next time.
He said the first time I got off to a "slow start." He says next time he can give me more stimulating drugs to start with and taper off. He said last time he was walking a thin line with me between trying to grow those smaller follicles to a mature size and me becoming very ill with OHSS. He says this next time around he can even specifically target some of the larger follicles and go for more quality than quantity.
He also mentioned that he will not put me on Lupron to start with. He will save that for when it is time to "trigger" because if I can use Lupron to trigger, I will need less HCG trigger, which will also help prevent OHSS.
He said that next round he'll be able to "manipulate" my cycle (he said in this case manipulation is a good thing) to get the best results now that he knows how I respond to meds. He says he is pretty confident that he can get us to a day 5 blast transfer. He mentioned that if we have to do a day 3, which he doesn't think we will, that he would use assisted hatching on a day 3 transfer. He is pretty confident though that we'll get a high quality blast and be able to transfer one embryo on day 5. And, that we'll have some to freeze.
He said several times that he is "very confident" and that "this will work for us." I did ask him my question about what if there is something really wrong with Rob and I and he said "no no no. The fact that you have gotten pregnant in the past is a good sign. This is just bad luck." He did mention, without trying to make us feel bad, that several of the transfers he just did worked out well. So, that is just another good sign that the lab is working well, etc. It goes to show that he's looking at every little thing to see what he can tweak/fix.
He told us that he "knows who we are" that we are not just a number to him. He says because I'm young we have a good shot at it working yet. He did say I need a "break" to get my ovaries back to "normal" so a nurse will be calling us before the end of the week to schedule our next cycle for somewhere between the end of November and the end of December. Rob and I are looking forward to getting started again as soon as possible but understand the need to wait a month or two.
He said he will write up our order because he doesn't want any "grass to grow beneath us." Although we have to wait to get started, he wants to make it a priority to get things ready to go.
He had asked us a couple questions, like if I had any cramping immediately after transfer...or if I had any bleeding prior to my negative test result. I answered no to both of those questions, so that helped him decipher things too. I did tell him about my one night of cramping about 3 days after transfer and he attributed that to my meds. Progesterone and Estrogen can make your uterus cramp.
Overall it was an inspiring conversation. Dr. Stassart is not giving up on us, therefore neither am I. I have high hopes for round two. It feels good to have a plan of action based on "fact" - on how my body performed the first time. It feels good just to have a different plan of action in general. It feels good to have a positive, confident doctor. It feels good to have hope and faith again. Can't wait to see how round two turns out!
I'll write again when I hear from the nurse regarding when we are actually scheduled to begin.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Moving forward
Well, I don't have much to write about but wanted to keep everyone informed, in case you are still following this blog looking for updates. Rob and I have a phone consult scheduled with RMIA for Monday, October 15th, at 2pm. I think during this consult we discuss what may have gone wrong with our first cycle and what our options are for round two. I also hope we get to schedule round two that day, but who knows! I will post again on Monday after we hear what they have to say.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Reflection
Know that feeling of one step forward, two steps back? That is how this feels. When we signed up for IVF we thought it would be the "end all be all" cure to our infertility. Our one big giant step forward. But now, the last 3 months or so seem like sort of a waste, our two leaps backward. All the shots, appointments, MN trips, hotel stays, resting and doing nothing, and out-of-pocket expenses on top of our big-ass program fee, sort of seem like they've all went down the toilet. But, I know we signed up for 3 rounds of this for a reason. There are many stories out there of women who were not successful on round one, but were on round two or even three.
I'm a little nervous because I've read that if you have healthy embryos they should have no trouble implanting. Most of the time when IVF fails it's because the embryo "arrested" or stopped growing. Kind of has me wondering...I've had 2 pregnancies that ended in miscarriage because things just "stopped growing," I had zero frozen embryos left this cycle because they "stopped growing," and I didn't get pregnant because the 1.2 grade and the 1.8 grade embryos probably "stopped growing." I'm very afraid that there is something really wrong with the embryos that Rob and I create. Something wrong that maybe IVF can't even fix. I'm very scared that having a baby of our own just isn't in the cards for us, even with the greatest technologies available to us. But, I also rest assurred that the doctors and Embryologists at RMIA are going to look at all those possible problems and try to find a solution for us. Heck, I know they want us to have a baby so they can walk away with our $26,000 that we handed them up front. I believe they will do whatever they can to have our dreams come true for us. Let's just hope we've just had a streak of bad luck and that next time things will work out.
Today my abdomen feels like it should feel now that this is all over. Gearing up for my period to start within the next week or so. I think when that arrives it will really place some finality to all of this. Although this blog doesn't sound too optimistic, I'm looking forward to trying again, and having a little more faith, and a little less doubt, if only just to save my sanity. The problem with getting too excited though, as I did with round one, is you actually believe this is working for you. You start to envision a baby bump, and maternity clothes, and a nursery, and a baby shower, and a newborn, and a first grader, and a teenager...when those thoughts get ripped from you with a negative pregnancy test result it kind of leaves you with a hole...I would say this is a kabillion times easier than a miscarriage, but it's a loss nonetheless.
And for Rob, I don't know how he is doing. I think he's sad but puts on a brave face, just as I do. I think he is worried, like I am, that having a baby just may not be in the plans for us. I wonder what will happen to us if all 3 rounds turn up with nothing. Will our marriage be stronger, or just stressed to the max? Will we move forward with adoption? That brings me some hope as well, but also a whole new fear of that not working out for us either.
I guess I'm just so negative because I can't figure out why this just doesn't work for us. It feels like we've been down this road before with our IUI attempts. So optimistic and then so let down. They say you need to take a few days, or weeks, to really heal emotionally from the fact that it didn't work for you...and then you can move on with plans for round two. I can understand that. Yesterday I almost felt slightly stronger than I do today. Today I woke up without the thought that I've had for the past two weeks of "maybe I'm pregnant!" Today it was like, "nope, you're a failure." Even taking my baby aspirin and vitamin seems like a pointless chore today.
However, I have resolved to not lose my faith. I am going to keep my new-found connection with God going since that brings me some sort of calmness. I'm going to give Round Two all the dedication I gave to round one. I'm going to hope for the best but prepare for the worst, just as I did this time, which I think is how I've protected my heart so well. I'm a little bummed, but not crushed. I'm hopeful enough to try again.
I'm a little nervous because I've read that if you have healthy embryos they should have no trouble implanting. Most of the time when IVF fails it's because the embryo "arrested" or stopped growing. Kind of has me wondering...I've had 2 pregnancies that ended in miscarriage because things just "stopped growing," I had zero frozen embryos left this cycle because they "stopped growing," and I didn't get pregnant because the 1.2 grade and the 1.8 grade embryos probably "stopped growing." I'm very afraid that there is something really wrong with the embryos that Rob and I create. Something wrong that maybe IVF can't even fix. I'm very scared that having a baby of our own just isn't in the cards for us, even with the greatest technologies available to us. But, I also rest assurred that the doctors and Embryologists at RMIA are going to look at all those possible problems and try to find a solution for us. Heck, I know they want us to have a baby so they can walk away with our $26,000 that we handed them up front. I believe they will do whatever they can to have our dreams come true for us. Let's just hope we've just had a streak of bad luck and that next time things will work out.
Today my abdomen feels like it should feel now that this is all over. Gearing up for my period to start within the next week or so. I think when that arrives it will really place some finality to all of this. Although this blog doesn't sound too optimistic, I'm looking forward to trying again, and having a little more faith, and a little less doubt, if only just to save my sanity. The problem with getting too excited though, as I did with round one, is you actually believe this is working for you. You start to envision a baby bump, and maternity clothes, and a nursery, and a baby shower, and a newborn, and a first grader, and a teenager...when those thoughts get ripped from you with a negative pregnancy test result it kind of leaves you with a hole...I would say this is a kabillion times easier than a miscarriage, but it's a loss nonetheless.
And for Rob, I don't know how he is doing. I think he's sad but puts on a brave face, just as I do. I think he is worried, like I am, that having a baby just may not be in the plans for us. I wonder what will happen to us if all 3 rounds turn up with nothing. Will our marriage be stronger, or just stressed to the max? Will we move forward with adoption? That brings me some hope as well, but also a whole new fear of that not working out for us either.
I guess I'm just so negative because I can't figure out why this just doesn't work for us. It feels like we've been down this road before with our IUI attempts. So optimistic and then so let down. They say you need to take a few days, or weeks, to really heal emotionally from the fact that it didn't work for you...and then you can move on with plans for round two. I can understand that. Yesterday I almost felt slightly stronger than I do today. Today I woke up without the thought that I've had for the past two weeks of "maybe I'm pregnant!" Today it was like, "nope, you're a failure." Even taking my baby aspirin and vitamin seems like a pointless chore today.
However, I have resolved to not lose my faith. I am going to keep my new-found connection with God going since that brings me some sort of calmness. I'm going to give Round Two all the dedication I gave to round one. I'm going to hope for the best but prepare for the worst, just as I did this time, which I think is how I've protected my heart so well. I'm a little bummed, but not crushed. I'm hopeful enough to try again.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Negative
Well, it didn't work. I am not pregnant. My nurse called me with the bad news about 15 minutes ago. I'm sad, but I guess from here we move on. I am to stop all my meds except my vitamin and baby aspirin. The clinic will call me, maybe yet today, and talk to me about what our plans will be for round two. It's a little hard to be optimistic that Round Two, or Three, will ever work...heck...it's tough to think that ANYTHING will ever work for us at this point, but that is why they call it the HOPE program I guess. All I can do is hope for a better outcome next time, and they have a better idea of how to treat me now that they saw how I responded to round one. At least next time we will have a better idea of what to expect and I won't be so neurotic about every little thing. Really wish I was typing a different blog entry right now, but it is what it is. I'm pretty used to getting this kind of news when it comes to my fertility! Thanks again for everyone's support and prayers. Please keep it coming. We need it now more than ever. BUT - as for walking on eggshells around me - no need for that! For those of you that know me, I am one tough cookie and I won't let this keep me down for long. On to Round Two!
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Tomorrow
Well, we've made it. It's down to the wire now and in probably less than 24 hours I will have my "news" that I've been waiting so (im)patiently for.
I have a couple stories to share. Two nights ago, I woke to feed the dogs and let them out to go to the bathroom at precisely 2:30am, their favorite time to drag sleepy mommy out of bed. I always let them outside and then head downstairs to feed the cats. As I descended the basement stairs I smelled THE WORST poop smell you could imagine. Are you imagining it? Yes, it was that bad. I thought..."oh boy - Rob NEEDS to clean the cat litter...or maybe we're having a sewer issue?...or maybe one the dogs left a poopy pile down here...which would be odd since they NEVER go in the house." I flipped on the light and to my surprise found a huge mess. Diarrhea ALL OVER the basement carpeting! One of the dogs had gotten ill. Poor little fella...he probably thought "oh boy, I gotta go, no time to ask to get outside, what should I do? Where should I go? The cats get to go to the bathroom downstairs, I guess I'll try that!"
I ran upstairs and woke up Rob. Much to his delight, he got out of bed (remember, it's 2:30am people), and we pulled on our rubber gloves, and bravery, and headed down to tackle the lovely task that was at hand for us. First we mopped up with some papertowel. As we began this process, not only was the smell killing me, but Rob's uncontrollable gagging was just about more than I could handle at that moment. I sent him upstairs to get a bucket of Lysol water and a scrub brush to relieve him of his agony. As I sat there alone, scrubbing poop off the floor, I thought about poopy diapers. I wondered how much gagging would go on for Rob each time he tackled one of those suckers. Yes, at that very moment, cleaning up poop comforted me. It made me think of diapers and what is hopefully in store for us just 9 months away. PS - It was Rodger who poop-shooted all over my basement. He had the runs still the next day, but managed to save it for outside this time. He is fine today. Whew - no vet bills. Yay!
My second story is that while daydreaming at work today I started thinking about the "Long Island Medium." Not sure if any of you have caught this show on TLC but it is about a woman with crazy blond hair, fake acrylic nails, and a New York accent who has the gift of speaking to the dead. They come to her and she relays messages to their loved ones who are still here on earth. I watched a few episodes the other night, and at work today was thinking about one of them. It was about a woman who recently lost her husband. She invited the Medium over to her home to do a reading. The woman told her deceased husband before the Medium arrived that "if this is real, just say Ring." The first thing the Medium did after meeting the woman is write the word Ring down on a tablet of paper! Amazing! The wife KNEW her husband was there speaking to her through the Medium because he had given her the signal. As I thought of this amazing and touching TV moment, I was gazing out the window (really, I get a lot of work done while I'm there too, this whole thought process was much quicker than what it just took me to type it, and for you to read it) and a hawk flew past my window and up to the lamp post outside. I thought - how amazing - speaking of communicating with the dead - my sister was speaking to me yet again. I hope she knows something I don't!!! She was a mommy to two boys before she left this world. I bet she knows exactly how happy I'd feel to find out I'm pregnant tomorrow.
The last story is this. On my way home, I take the same route every day, I saw A STORK on Bergstrom Rd. I am not kidding. To my left when driving home there is a fenced in area that has a small pond in it, just before you come to the roundabout at Breezewood. In that marshy area, there was an ALL WHITE CRANE just standing there staring at me. OH MY GOSH! Maybe the Stork really did come this time!
Will I feel foolish tomorrow if I find out I'm not pregnant and all of these "signs" were a bunch of hogwash? I don't think so. Each thought I've had along this journey, like the ones mentioned above, brought me extreme comfort and calmness. I even have so many friends at work that are much more confident than I am that it worked for us this time. I wish I had that confidence. I just really think I will be absolutely shocked if I find out I am pregnant tomorrow. I mean, I have battled with NOT being pregnant for so long that it would just be like a dream come true if it happened tomorrow. I would get bruises from pinching myself!
Either way, this is the last blog I will be writing as someone who doesn't know if they're pregnant or not. Tomorrow, I will know. I will finally have my answer to my question that has been haunting me each day, each hour, each minute since the day of our embryo transfer. I will know if Horhay and/or Baby Bobbie decided to stick around or not. And then, I will be able to blog again and let you know my feelings of how this whole crazy sequence of events finally turned out!
I forgot to ask what time I would get my results - so please just check the blog throughout the day if you're curious. It it worked, celebrate with me, and with Rob...and if it didn't, keep praying for us that round 2 or 3 will bring us the joy we're wishing for.
Let's hope the fertility statue, the good luck cat, the believe bracelet, the green pedicure, and the stork have all done what I've wished for them to do. Thank you all again for reading along and caring so much about us and our journey. We couldn't have gotten through the past few months without all of you. May God bless us tomorrow!
I have a couple stories to share. Two nights ago, I woke to feed the dogs and let them out to go to the bathroom at precisely 2:30am, their favorite time to drag sleepy mommy out of bed. I always let them outside and then head downstairs to feed the cats. As I descended the basement stairs I smelled THE WORST poop smell you could imagine. Are you imagining it? Yes, it was that bad. I thought..."oh boy - Rob NEEDS to clean the cat litter...or maybe we're having a sewer issue?...or maybe one the dogs left a poopy pile down here...which would be odd since they NEVER go in the house." I flipped on the light and to my surprise found a huge mess. Diarrhea ALL OVER the basement carpeting! One of the dogs had gotten ill. Poor little fella...he probably thought "oh boy, I gotta go, no time to ask to get outside, what should I do? Where should I go? The cats get to go to the bathroom downstairs, I guess I'll try that!"
I ran upstairs and woke up Rob. Much to his delight, he got out of bed (remember, it's 2:30am people), and we pulled on our rubber gloves, and bravery, and headed down to tackle the lovely task that was at hand for us. First we mopped up with some papertowel. As we began this process, not only was the smell killing me, but Rob's uncontrollable gagging was just about more than I could handle at that moment. I sent him upstairs to get a bucket of Lysol water and a scrub brush to relieve him of his agony. As I sat there alone, scrubbing poop off the floor, I thought about poopy diapers. I wondered how much gagging would go on for Rob each time he tackled one of those suckers. Yes, at that very moment, cleaning up poop comforted me. It made me think of diapers and what is hopefully in store for us just 9 months away. PS - It was Rodger who poop-shooted all over my basement. He had the runs still the next day, but managed to save it for outside this time. He is fine today. Whew - no vet bills. Yay!
My second story is that while daydreaming at work today I started thinking about the "Long Island Medium." Not sure if any of you have caught this show on TLC but it is about a woman with crazy blond hair, fake acrylic nails, and a New York accent who has the gift of speaking to the dead. They come to her and she relays messages to their loved ones who are still here on earth. I watched a few episodes the other night, and at work today was thinking about one of them. It was about a woman who recently lost her husband. She invited the Medium over to her home to do a reading. The woman told her deceased husband before the Medium arrived that "if this is real, just say Ring." The first thing the Medium did after meeting the woman is write the word Ring down on a tablet of paper! Amazing! The wife KNEW her husband was there speaking to her through the Medium because he had given her the signal. As I thought of this amazing and touching TV moment, I was gazing out the window (really, I get a lot of work done while I'm there too, this whole thought process was much quicker than what it just took me to type it, and for you to read it) and a hawk flew past my window and up to the lamp post outside. I thought - how amazing - speaking of communicating with the dead - my sister was speaking to me yet again. I hope she knows something I don't!!! She was a mommy to two boys before she left this world. I bet she knows exactly how happy I'd feel to find out I'm pregnant tomorrow.
The last story is this. On my way home, I take the same route every day, I saw A STORK on Bergstrom Rd. I am not kidding. To my left when driving home there is a fenced in area that has a small pond in it, just before you come to the roundabout at Breezewood. In that marshy area, there was an ALL WHITE CRANE just standing there staring at me. OH MY GOSH! Maybe the Stork really did come this time!
Will I feel foolish tomorrow if I find out I'm not pregnant and all of these "signs" were a bunch of hogwash? I don't think so. Each thought I've had along this journey, like the ones mentioned above, brought me extreme comfort and calmness. I even have so many friends at work that are much more confident than I am that it worked for us this time. I wish I had that confidence. I just really think I will be absolutely shocked if I find out I am pregnant tomorrow. I mean, I have battled with NOT being pregnant for so long that it would just be like a dream come true if it happened tomorrow. I would get bruises from pinching myself!
Either way, this is the last blog I will be writing as someone who doesn't know if they're pregnant or not. Tomorrow, I will know. I will finally have my answer to my question that has been haunting me each day, each hour, each minute since the day of our embryo transfer. I will know if Horhay and/or Baby Bobbie decided to stick around or not. And then, I will be able to blog again and let you know my feelings of how this whole crazy sequence of events finally turned out!
I forgot to ask what time I would get my results - so please just check the blog throughout the day if you're curious. It it worked, celebrate with me, and with Rob...and if it didn't, keep praying for us that round 2 or 3 will bring us the joy we're wishing for.
Let's hope the fertility statue, the good luck cat, the believe bracelet, the green pedicure, and the stork have all done what I've wished for them to do. Thank you all again for reading along and caring so much about us and our journey. We couldn't have gotten through the past few months without all of you. May God bless us tomorrow!
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Re-do
I felt I owed it to myself and my blog readers to try again with a little more positive/upbeat entry. I think that as the 2 week wait draws to a close, it gets harder and harder to stay positive. The first week after transfer it is so fun and exciting to think of those little embabies on their journey inside you through implantation - and beyond! But then, by the second week, you are nearing the day when you will find out if all your dreams come true, or if you will face one of the biggest let-downs of your life. That moment of truth staring you in your face is certainly tougher and tougher to manage as it gets closer.
Reading my friend Jaime's comment on my last blog reminded me to stay positive. This ain't over till it's over. Who am I to throw in the towel 3 days early and give up on my embabies like that? Maybe they are making mommy and daddy proud and growing like good little children in there. I need to be a more supportive parent! Guess my parenting skills will need some work. :)
All I know is if I do get bad news on Friday, it is not the end. I am strong enough to do this again, though I'm hoping with all my might Round One did the trick.
Reading everything online - there are definitely crazier women than me out there...but I understand them whole-heartedly. The journey that is infertility is not a fun roller-coaster ride for anyone who unfortunately is handed the ticket and climbs aboard. The twists and turns and loop-dee-loops definitely makes you check that your safety harness around your heart is buckled very tightly! I empathize with the women in the chat rooms, but I haven't ran out for a home pregnancy test. I plan to just wait this whole thing out.
The whole "sensation" I'm feeling inside hasn't really subsided. It's not "cramps" which to me is encouraging, but something is going on in there. I am looking forward to just getting my first Beta out of the way tomorrow and talking to my nurse about some of my feelings. I will ask her when I will find out on Friday - what time of day.
I am taking Friday off of work to either revel in happiness or drown in sadness. Please check the blog that day to find out results. I will post them either way and will need all of your support!
This past weekend I caught "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" on TV (the good old version from the 70's, not the new Depp one). I caught it right at the good part where Charlie gets his golden ticket and he and Grandpa Joe head off to the Factory. (One thing you should know about me and this movie is that I rented it EVERY TIME WE WENT TO RENT A MOVIE when I was a kid. We would go to Showcase Video in downtown Kaukauna, where the VHS tapes were kept in magical red boxes. We would get home and I'd plug it into our only VCR and little 19" TV in the basement. My dad finally said "DO NOT let her get that movie next time. She has to pick something else." Eventually my mom purchased it for me as an adult so I do have it in my personal collection). Anyway, the last line in the movie, when they are rocket-shipping away in the glass elevator Wonka says to Charlie: "Charlie, you know what happened to the boy who suddenly got everything he ever wanted?" Charlie stares back in wonder as Wonka responds "He lived happily ever after."
Here's to Rob and I suddenly getting everything we ever wanted and living happily ever after. 3 more days!
Reading my friend Jaime's comment on my last blog reminded me to stay positive. This ain't over till it's over. Who am I to throw in the towel 3 days early and give up on my embabies like that? Maybe they are making mommy and daddy proud and growing like good little children in there. I need to be a more supportive parent! Guess my parenting skills will need some work. :)
All I know is if I do get bad news on Friday, it is not the end. I am strong enough to do this again, though I'm hoping with all my might Round One did the trick.
Reading everything online - there are definitely crazier women than me out there...but I understand them whole-heartedly. The journey that is infertility is not a fun roller-coaster ride for anyone who unfortunately is handed the ticket and climbs aboard. The twists and turns and loop-dee-loops definitely makes you check that your safety harness around your heart is buckled very tightly! I empathize with the women in the chat rooms, but I haven't ran out for a home pregnancy test. I plan to just wait this whole thing out.
The whole "sensation" I'm feeling inside hasn't really subsided. It's not "cramps" which to me is encouraging, but something is going on in there. I am looking forward to just getting my first Beta out of the way tomorrow and talking to my nurse about some of my feelings. I will ask her when I will find out on Friday - what time of day.
I am taking Friday off of work to either revel in happiness or drown in sadness. Please check the blog that day to find out results. I will post them either way and will need all of your support!
This past weekend I caught "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" on TV (the good old version from the 70's, not the new Depp one). I caught it right at the good part where Charlie gets his golden ticket and he and Grandpa Joe head off to the Factory. (One thing you should know about me and this movie is that I rented it EVERY TIME WE WENT TO RENT A MOVIE when I was a kid. We would go to Showcase Video in downtown Kaukauna, where the VHS tapes were kept in magical red boxes. We would get home and I'd plug it into our only VCR and little 19" TV in the basement. My dad finally said "DO NOT let her get that movie next time. She has to pick something else." Eventually my mom purchased it for me as an adult so I do have it in my personal collection). Anyway, the last line in the movie, when they are rocket-shipping away in the glass elevator Wonka says to Charlie: "Charlie, you know what happened to the boy who suddenly got everything he ever wanted?" Charlie stares back in wonder as Wonka responds "He lived happily ever after."
Here's to Rob and I suddenly getting everything we ever wanted and living happily ever after. 3 more days!
Monday, October 1, 2012
Debbie Downer
Well, today I'm starting to feel more and more "twinges" and pressure in my abdomen. I don't know if this is a good sign or a bad one. To top it off, we got a letter that said that none of our other embryos were able to be frozen. :( That is sad for a bunch of reasons. Even though the letter says "Be assured that if you do not have frozen embryos produced, it is not predictive of a negative outcome in this cycle. We wish you the best of luck and hope you have success." However, if those little guys couldn't survive a few more days to make it to freezing, it has me questionning what the outcome will be for the two that were put back inside me. :( Today just doesn't feel like a very positive day and we have so far to go until we find out. I'm exhausted. Also, if this cycle doesn't work, now we don't have any frozens to fall back on - we'd have to wait until we could start another fresh cycle. Perhaps all the more reason for it to work this time? Fingers still crossed?? I don't feel any signs of pregnancy no matter how much I look for them...I guess with the pressure today it feels more like signs of a period. Kind of in gloom and doom right now so I'll be signing off for now.
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